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I think I'm going to share some journal entries out of my red plaid journal - the one I spoke of in my first entry on here. Since there are a couple of things I want to share I will just put them all in this one entry. I apologize now if it gets too long. ;)

Into my life, he crept. No questions or doubts were considered. His tales of loves' misfortunes fell upon my ear; words of wisdom and encouragement I did utter. My heart he did make stutter, for within its cavity he did seep. Questions I now long to ask begin to form on my lips. Soon my fears gain control; those questions dissipate. This tale of love - my great misfortune - shall never fall upon his ear.

________________________________________________________________

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window,
Gazing upon multifarious faces.
Their vacant eyes beseeching the heavens.
Jagged noses marring their guise -
Twisted mouths suggesting an everlasting wail.

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window;
I realize the abundant faces are not!
Not faces at all, rather the cliffs.
Distressing images infringe upon me.
Ghostly reflections of the dejected and starveling -
Haunting pictures of the neglected and rapidly dying.

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window;
Glimpsing forever lost spirits
Encased in the cliffs along the forlorn highway,
Being touched by the faces, forever saddened
By my troublesome thoughts.
*I wrote that one while traveling down Oregon. I'd fallen asleep right before we'd left Washington, growing too hot in the car I started to wake and the first thing I noticed were the cliffs. In my sleepy state I thought the cliffs were faces of some kind. As I gradually woke up the above thoughts drifted through my mind so I captured them in my journal. Yet another reason I travel with a journal at hand lol.

_________________________________________________________

Take my hand in your hand.
United we shall stand.
We will face all
our earthly fears together.
With a love as strong as ours; we shall
Remain Forever.

__________________________________________________________

Drifting along in the sea
Protective forces shimmering
In the heaving tide.

__________________________________________________________

Forever More
Tonight you shall vanish
from my reach.
But can you distinguish
the things I long to teach
before you slip away once more?
Today my heart breaks,
and you can't hear my cry.
Why do I allow the stakes
to get so high with the escape of my empty sigh?
Soon the pain will come once more!
In the morn you shall be gone
from my side.
I can only ask, how long?
Am I asking too much; to let my heart be the place you reside?
Or is it my destiny that you should leave once more?
Dusk is approaching all too soon.
My stomach is slowly beginning to churn.
After you're gone, my gaze will find the moon
and my tears will begin to burn.
I cannot allow you to see my pain once more.
For now I will rest
In the comfort
of your warm caress,
and I will try to fight off the hurt;
for this moment I must cherish Forever More.

Hidden among the rubbish.

Frustrated that everyone uses my hall closet to dump their rubbish, I can't stand clutter, I undertook the daunting task of cleaning out all their crap. While I was clearing out the last 2 years worth of paper, pens, crayons, games, model kits and such I stumbled upon some old journals of mine. I thought I'd share a poem I wrote back in '96.


Before There Was You

A church with no voices raised,
singing loud in heavenly praise,
is just four walls 'round a silent room.
That was me before there was you.

A ship with no guiding star
aimlessly drifting near and far,
with no harbor to sail into.
That was me before there was you.

A world where darkness fell
like a coin down an empty well
where no wish had been whispered.
That was me before there was you.

That was me before there was you,
the last dark cloud in a sky of blue
On a lonesome wind just passing through.

So accurate it's scarey

Your result for The Color Code Test...

Color Code: BLUE: The Social Butterfly

26% Red, 31% Blue, 31% White and 11% Yellow!

Here is the basics: For a more in depth analysis, I suggest you look up the Color Code, and take a more intensive test.

BLUE MOTIVE: Intimacy

BLUE NEEDS: To be good (morally), To be understood, To be appreciated, Acceptance.

BLUE WANTS: To reveal insecurities, Quality, Autonomy, Secuirity.

SUMMARY: Blues are motivated by altruism. They love to do nice things for others. they look for opportunites to give up something in order to bring another person happiness. selflessness rather than selfishness is their guiding philosophy. Blues seek intimacy. They want to be loved and to love. A true blue will sacrifice a successful career to improve an important relationship. Blues crave being understood. They are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. Blues may have thier hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love. Blues are directed by a strong moral conscience. They have a moral code that guides them in their decision making, their value judgements, and their leisure time. A blue would rather lose than cheat. Ethically, blues are people who should be in positions of power, but seldom are.

Take The Color Code Test at HelloQuizzy

I found this interesting

Your result for The Where Should YOU Travel Test...

Thai Resort

You scored 65% culture, 42% social, 45% activity, and 61% adventure!

Thailand...an exciting, culturally rich destination that offers you all the relaxation you can handle. This is a more satisfying place to visit than the usual hot 'n sunny places because you are experiencing a very unique place. The beaches are gorgeous and you can chill out in a hammock and be left alone. But you can also venture out into the floating markets, restaurants and even ride an elephant. The resorts are an oasis of tranquility surrounded by a world of adventures. It really is the best of both worlds. You can stay in a typical resort, of for more privacy, you can stay in a beach house all to yourself. Thai food is one of the most popular cuisines in the world, but they also make all types of dishes to suit all tastes. You will come back feeling like you've been enriched and energized. If you had fun dreaming about where you might go, don't forget to rate my test. Thanks!

Not much goin on

Life has been a bit lonely this last week. Thankfully things should get back to normal this weekend. We're having house guests again. Ha I can be fickle can't I. I love my simple contained life and at the same time I get lonely with my simple contained life. Thus is the complexity of a woman's mind. . . at least this one's mind.

I haven't been working out as much on the Wii Fit lately. Instead I have been taking a 5 mile walk every night. I plan on getting back on the Wii Fit next Monday though. And I am hoping to start riding my bike more. Hahaha I dread riding it though because my town is all hills. I am not that into self torture. :)

That is it for tonight. I am going to turn The Other Boleyn - I think that's the name. We rented it a few night's ago and I still have not watched it. So I will watch it tonight, if I can't sleep when it is over I will get back on here.

I started writing more on that first story but I am not finished with it yet so it isn't posted. As soon as I finish it I will post it.

Sweet dreams to all you that actually sleep. For the rest of you - happy reading and may you find something to occupy all the lonely hours in which normal people are sleeping.

Her first time

Ummm this is just another creative writing I did today. . . .

She could not believe her luck; Mom had actually allowed them to go down to the basement alone. Normally her mom made Jimmy, her kid brother; tag along so as to prevent any unsavory behavior.

Her mom had been around the block before; having had Sara when she herself was only 16 made her more cautious than her own parents had been. But today her mom was preoccupied with the mail. Some strange man greeted her at the mailbox and served her with yet another court summons. She could not believe Michael was trying to get the child support reduced yet again.

Sara asked her mom if they could go down to watch a movie and there was no mention of bringing Jimmy. If Mom gets mad I'll just tell her she never said I had to bring him, and I did ask if Alex and I could watch the movie not Jimmy, Alex and I. Sara pushed thoughts of impending punishment out of her mind. She had been waiting for such a moment for what seemed like an eternity. Alex had asked Sara out a few months ago and Deb had warned her what Alex wanted, told her that if she didn't seal the deal that he would dump her as quickly as he had dumped Deb.

Sarah still wondered sometimes how she could go out with someone who had broken Debs heart as badly as Alex had. But Deb insisted Sarah say yes, even after Sarah vehemently told her she would do no such thing. Sarah had already given up any hopes of a romance between her and Alex when Deb called her last year to brag about Alex asking her out. But Deb argued, insisted, and finally when Sarah would not give in Deb had personally called Alex to tell him Sarah had agreed to go out with him. Sarah was pleasantly stuck now; she would not look like a fool and refuse after Deb had talked to Alex.

"So what do you wanna watch?" Alex asked bringing Sarah's attention back to what she had planned for so long now.

"Um. . . I really don't care. Just pick something" Sarah told him. Mentally she went over her checklist as she prepared herself. She lit the few candles on the end table. As the light vanilla scent drifted into the cavernous room Sarah tossed the blanket over the couch. While Alex was setting up the movie Sarah quickly applied her cherry chap stick.

Turning toward the couch Alex asked Sarah "What about Jimmy? Shouldn't he be here too? I don’t want you to get into any trouble."

"Mom did not say anything about Jimmy. I think she is finally fine with us being together" she blurted.

Alex went to the couch and his lazy grin slowly grew causing a deep throbbing sensation within Sarah. She was even surer that this was the day. As Alex sat on the couch she told him she would go get the popcorn and drinks.

"Oh I can help" he told her. Her heart stopped. How can I do it if he is right there? She thought to herself.

"Um no, that's ok. I can do it. Just go ahead and start the movie. I don't wanna waste time on the previews, we've seen them already anyway" she told him as she walked off hoping he would have no choice but to stay put.

Alone in the little snack alcove Sarah tossed the pouch of popcorn in the microwave, grabbed two cokes out of the cooler and put them on the tray she had stashed near the microwave the night before. After the popcorn finished she dumped it in a big bowl and set the bowl on the tray; taking a deep steadying breath she quickly reached under her skirt, hooked her fingers around the waistband of her panties and jerked them down. Balling her panties in her hand, she picked up the tray and carried it back to the couch; while she was still behind the couch she dropped her panties and nudged them underneath the couch. Without missing a step Sarah continued around the side of the couch and, bending over slightly to place the tray on the coffee table, she wondered if he could tell what was missing from her outfit.

While Sarah was making the popcorn Alex wondered what was going on with her. Is everything ok, or is she getting ready to break up with me? He thought to himself. She would not light the candles though if she was breaking up with me, would she? But she brought him out of his thoughts as she set the tray on the coffee table, he was not sure but he could have sworn she was not wearing anything underneath that skirt of hers. But before he could even figure out what to say to her about it she sat down next to him, grabbed the remote and hit play.

Sarah was not sure what to do next; she knew she could not just say "let’s screw" so instead she started the movie. What do I do now? She wondered. Alex unwittingly solved her dilemma when he twisted to face her, put his arm around her shoulders and said "Hey I do not know what is going on but I want you to know that" with that she leaned against him and kissed him hard on his lips. Alex wanted Sarah to know that he was not expecting anything from her.

Sarah was not sure what Alex was going to say, she just knew it was now or never. Leaning against him she wrapped one arm around his shoulder put her other hand on his chest and she kissed him. She was so nervous that the kiss was a bit harder then she had intended. Their teeth smashed together and she thought she could taste blood in her mouth. Oh great he is really going to think I am an idiot now she thought.

Alex had a sneaking suspicion he knew what she was up to, Deb was her friend after all. I have to stop this madness he thought. Pulling back a little he looked in her eyes and began to say "Look Sarah I think I know what this is all about. Well I want you to know that I do not" but she ducked her head and sat back. Oh God I have blown it he thought.

Oh God I have blown it, he does not want me. Deb was right, I waited too long she was thinking as she sat back on the couch.

Alex lifted her chin with his finger and quietly said "Look Sarah, I do not know for sure what you are planning but I want you to know you do not have to do it.”

A tear slipped from her eye "You do not want me then?" she asked him.

"Damn it girl! I have wanted you forever now. That is why I was hanging around Deb so much last year. She told me she would set us up, but she never did. Then she tried to get me to sleep with her and I just gave up on it. I figured you were not interested. And when I asked you out this year and you refused I knew I was right and you did not want to be with me. But Deb called and you said yes and here we are. I figured maybe you just weren't sure before. And now I just do not want you to feel pressured into something you are not ready for."

"Oh my God! Are you serious? Deb said you two were a couple last summer. Then when you broke up she was so broken hearted, I could not say yes to you even though I had liked you before Deb. "

Elated Alex leaned over and kissed Sarah. His lips pressed lightly on hers. She parted her lips slightly, tentatively touching his lips with her tongue. He leaned in closer to her, deepening their kiss and then, mouth against hers he asked her "are you sure?"

Sarah, placing his hand on her breast, pulled his head back for another kiss. It was as though someone else had possessed her - she was sure of herself and moved as though she had done this 100 times before now despite this being her first time. Granted Alex and she had kissed plenty of times before now, his hand had even grazed the sides of her breasts a time or two. But he had never held or fondled them as he was right then.

Kissing Sarah, Alex tenderly squeezed her breast. His tongue traced the line of her teeth, caressed her tongue, and slid behind her tooth line to taste the spot against her top front teeth. Caressing his tongue with hers, she pulled his shirt up and began exploring his body with her hands. She softly tugged on the sparse hair that was beginning to cover his chest, her right hand found his nipple and expertly began to roll it between her forefinger and thumb.

Alex's hand fell from her breast to her lap. Sarah squirmed in anticipation causing his hand to slide further up her silky thigh. Heat bloomed inside her belly, her thighs twitched and she suddenly could not catch her breath.

Alex ended the kiss, gazed in her eyes and slowly moved his hand further up her thigh. He was not sure how far this would go but he did not want her feeling pressured into it. He had waited a year for this moment and he would wait another so long as she would not end up regretting it.

Sarah slouched lower on the couch, twisted toward him a bit more and pulled her top off. Her black bra was carefully chosen for its front clasp - it was the only front closing bra she owned, secretly bought with money she had saved from babysitting. She smiled and grew even more confident as she heard the sharp hiss of breath Alex let out. This was new territory for both of them.

Sitting there Alex noticed the front clasp. He gingerly grasped the clasp and looked at her again, as she smiled at him he unclasped the bra, peeled it off her full breasts and watched her sitting there. Her ivory skin glowed golden and blue in the light of the candles and TV. He could see her nipples tighten; the last of his doubt flew from his mind.

Sarah smiled at Alex, hoping he would undo her bra. When her breasts were freed from the bra Sarah felt them swell with desire, her nipples tighten with expectancy. Alex cupped her right breast and brought his mouth down to it. She felt the feathery kisses and gasped as she felt his hot mouth close around her nipple. He tugged it between his teeth and suckled on it, flicking it with his tongue. Her belly felt like it would explode from the heat he caused deep within her body, she could feel the throbbing between her legs and squirmed uncontrollably. His hand rose higher up her thigh, confirming what he silently suspected - she wore nothing under that skirt.

Gingerly his fingers explored her downy mound. His thumb traced circles around the apex between her thighs, he could feel the moisture seep from her.

Ragged breaths escaped her as she pushed him back on the couch. She desperately wanted his warm hand between her legs again, yet she wanted more. An empty yearning was burning inside her belly. She grabbed hold of his waistband and jerked it toward her, all six buttons came free and she glimpsed his bulging boxers. Quickly she pulled his jeans lower, and looked up at him.

Seeing her heavy lidded stare, he put his arms beneath his head to prevent himself from acting too quickly. She eased his boxers down and took in the glory of his body. His thick and solid shaft promised a certain release. A wicked smile spread on her face as she took hold of his shaft and began to stroke it in her slender hand. Leaning down she kissed the tip, licked the ridge and took him in her mouth. She savored the smooth skin against her tongue.

Involuntarily shuddering, Alex groaned deep in his throat. No one had ever done this to him before and it felt exquisite. Her tongue ran along his length, and the gentle pull of her suction brought him closer to the edge. Oh no, oh God no Alex thought just as he was on the verge of ecstasy.

Sarah could not stand the gnawing inside her, she had to have him. She straddled his lap, his shaft slick with her spit, and kissed him. The passion raked both of them and Sarah quickly positioned herself over him, lowering herself she felt him impale her.

Trying to control his body, Alex roughly grabbed Sarah's waist with both his hands. "Do not move" he told her. Sarah's tight body held him snugly inside her, so snug he could feel her throbbing with desire. Groaning he counted silently in his mind.

Growing impatient Sarah began to slowly rock her hips back and forth, her hands bracing her weight on his shoulders as he dug his fingertips into her hips. Closing her eyes she continued to rock her hips. With each backward motion she'd lift off him slightly and plunge him back into her with every forward thrust of her hips. She could feel a slight suction on her clit as she rocked forward on him and she rubbed against his pelvic bone. Amazed with this sensation she looked down at his face and saw how deeply he was concentrating. Sarah hastened her rocking, she could feel her toes curl and a cold sweat overcame her entire body. Her back muscles tightened and she could feel a tingling in her scalp.

Alex could feel Sarah convulse around his shaft. He grabbed hold of her shoulders from behind and pulled her down on him as hard as he could, burying himself completely within her.

Together they both climaxed. Sarah's body shuddered as she continued rocking back down to Earth. Staring into his eyes, they both realized they had not taken any precautions. As reality sank in Sarah heard her mother's heartbroken sigh.

ETA: This is a creatvie writing.