I've been feeling this compulsion to write, it's similar to that drive I'd have to light up a cigarette... My fingers itch with the need to pick up a pen, almost literally. However, lately my thoughts have been on tornado speed; focusing on one thought long enough to actually capture it's essence and commit it to paper (or the computer) is damn near impossible.... I've gotten a few snippets though, thanks to Oscar, and thought I'd post em here. Maybe I can come back later and they'll magically pull forth more thoughts.
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They say it wasn't right to walk away; as if I had a choice to stay...
They cry for the injustice I've done; as if I were the only one...
Their name I've tarnished; it was me they banished...
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Try as you might; I won't put up a fight. So write this down, keep it with the secret you've found. Hell can't contain all that is I. For this nightmare you call life; into which I've been consumed, has already wrought my doom.
10/31/10
10/29/10
If that's how it turns out
What's become will be... everything left unspoken shall continue to echo with hells fury... words shouted to the heavens remain unheard... it is what it is... Despite all my protestations... beyond my fears... i was yours for the taking... Looking back now... through the tears... we never stood a chance...
It's too late to learn from our destruction... the pain you laid upon me... plain as day... that bump in the night couldn't have been louder... hoarse from the pleas left unanswered... the scars on my heart wrought this decision... That's how it turned out.
It's too late to learn from our destruction... the pain you laid upon me... plain as day... that bump in the night couldn't have been louder... hoarse from the pleas left unanswered... the scars on my heart wrought this decision... That's how it turned out.
It is what it is...
beyond my fears... through the tears... despite all my protestations... i was yours for the taking... looking back... we never stood a chance... that's how it turned out...
10/22/10
Collaborative piece
My good friend (I'll call him Oscar) wrote the first two paragraphs. After reading it I was compelled to add on to it... This is the end result:
With all the facts laid bare... can you understand why I cared...as you see the truth as it is and it was... can you comprehend why it was never "just because"... even through the worst of days and the hardest of fights...did you ever still see me by your side?
You were just fixated on the growing nightmare in the distance... I was enjoying the best possible existance...you laid all the signs you could... and I never paid quite enough attention... I never held your hand when I should...or turned my back when you really needed it... I guess when it all boils down to it and the rainbow finally ends... you were waiting for the nightmare...while I was living the dream...
I looked to my side... reached for the support your embrace promised... you held me "just because". The foundation was laid... the warnings were screamed in neon lights... blinking furiously before your eyes. You never paid quite enough attention...you never held my hand when you should have...your back was turned while my heart burned...you should have known...
Left alone...I had no other choice... It was hold on for dear life...or slowly let you go. I could see you livng that dream...I tired of the struggle...hollow embraces...empty promises...forever reaching. Now that we've come to the end of our rainbow...it all boils down to this... you were living in a dream while I was waiting for the nightmare to end.
With all the facts laid bare... can you understand why I cared...as you see the truth as it is and it was... can you comprehend why it was never "just because"... even through the worst of days and the hardest of fights...did you ever still see me by your side?
You were just fixated on the growing nightmare in the distance... I was enjoying the best possible existance...you laid all the signs you could... and I never paid quite enough attention... I never held your hand when I should...or turned my back when you really needed it... I guess when it all boils down to it and the rainbow finally ends... you were waiting for the nightmare...while I was living the dream...
I looked to my side... reached for the support your embrace promised... you held me "just because". The foundation was laid... the warnings were screamed in neon lights... blinking furiously before your eyes. You never paid quite enough attention...you never held my hand when you should have...your back was turned while my heart burned...you should have known...
Left alone...I had no other choice... It was hold on for dear life...or slowly let you go. I could see you livng that dream...I tired of the struggle...hollow embraces...empty promises...forever reaching. Now that we've come to the end of our rainbow...it all boils down to this... you were living in a dream while I was waiting for the nightmare to end.
10/21/10
Flustrated musings
My brain is flawed...Jack's become a full-time resident in my mind...I am all too aware that he doesn't belong there. Yet our last encounter, happenstance as it was, burned an immutable afterimage...his arms continue to tighten around my waist...his lips still quicken my pulse as they singe my skin. Tell me please, how to scrub his scent from my memory...erase his touch that tingles deep within. It's no secret...he's all shades of wrong. I could stomach this nonsensical... irrational yearning, if it was a matter of the heart wanting what it wants. It would be so simple... With the knowledge of what could never be...armed against foolish dreams... my heart was untouched by his antics... oh no, this scenario is much worse...ergo love has no hand in these psychotic episodes...
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