3/6/09
Reflective
While we were at Bee's place, Bee got extremely angry with my youngest for knocking (Bees) drink over. My youngest tried to walk between a chair and a table, she is 2 and does not quite have the spacial concepts as an adult. When she tried to get between the table her belly knocked Bee's cups over and spilled the contents all over the floor. I attempted to explain the fact that my child doesn't quite grasp spacial concepts as say a 6 year old might and Bee argued the point with me - claiming my child knew what she was doing and knew better. Yes, my child knew she was pushing between the furniture; however I doubt she recognized that she was risking spilling the cup by doing so. Bee scolded my child which angered me considerably so after immediately cleaning up the meal mess I packed up the family and we left. I was so angry I did not want to be in the house with Bee anymore. I think had I have gotten up and brought my child over to explain to her not to walk between that chair and table before Bee had the opportunity to scold her then Bee might not have scolded as she did. In addition, it might have been better for me to calm down before trying to discuss with Bee why I felt she was over-reacting. I will try to use reflective listening skills, and empathy more often when in those situations. However it is hard for me to not over-react myself when I feel an injustice is being done to my child(ren).
3/3/09
Choice of words
This is another task for my course work. The point is to cause the writer to consider the effect of the choice of words.
"List all the words you can think of to refer to a woman. These may be commonly used terms, offensive or derogatory words, slang, or complimentary terms. The words should be synonyms or substitutes for the word "woman," not descriptions, so you might choose "lady" but not "pretty." Choose five of the words you listed and write a paragraph on each one, specifying what image the terms conjure up for you, when you think this term may be appropriate or inappropriate, and how the word makes you feel. Repeat the exercise using the word doctor.
When you review your lists of words, and your thoughts on what emotions and associations you have with each word, what conclusions can you make about the power of language to convey very different ideas about the same basic subject?"
Woman:
Lady*Woman*Girl*Mom*Mother*Mommy*Momma*Madre*Bitch*Whore*Female*She*Her*
Gal*Chick*Chicca*Babe*Bimbo*Dame*Fox*Hottie*Lesbo*Dyke*Hooker*Slut*Ma'am*Pris*
Miss*Skank*Mrs*Ms*Bride*Wife*Dominatrix*Tomboy
1. Girl: The word girl conjures up a school age youthful image in my mind. I do not think of a pregnant woman, let alone someone physically capable of even becoming pregnant. The use of this word would be appropriate when indeed talking about a female youth, not when referring to a client. When I hear the word girl I immediately think of my young daughters.
2. Bitch: The word bitch conjures up images of immature teenagers/young adults or of hostile situations. This word is not endearing nor professional to use in any sense and I do not feel it is appropriate to use this word at all. When I hear someone refer to a woman in this sense I feel hostile and aggressive towards the offender as this is a derogatory word.
3. Female: The word female conjures up images of a medical setting. I also think of cold and impersonal documentations. This term is too impersonal to use regarding my client, in my opinion, I might use it when referring to her unborn child but that is all.
4. Gal: While this word is not very professional, I do feel it would be acceptable to use with my clients however not referring to the client. The word gal is a bit too impersonal for my taste however it is also warmer than referring the "female I spoke to regarding (the clients) inquiries."
5. Wife: The use of the word wife is acceptable when talking about a non-present party or inquiring as to who someones wife is. I do not feel it is acceptable to assume my client is married so I would (hope) never to ask the clients partner "where is your wife". In addition, referring to someone as "wife" is very cold and impersonal.
Doctor:
Doc*Doctor*Professional*Quack*MD*Medic*Surgeon*Specialist*Caregiver*OB*Pedi*Dentist*
Ortho*
1. Doc: The use of the word Doc would be acceptable in a situation where the patient and doctor have an established "friendly" relationship. It's personal and endearing, yet acknowledges the fact that the doctor is the professional. I'm not sure if I would ask my clients "oh and what'd your doc say about that" as that does not seem professional at all.
2. Quack: Most times the word quack is used to refer to a doctor that doesn't seem to know what they are talking about in addition to mental health doctors. It is a derogatory or slang word. There is no place in the doula field for the use of this word.
3. Specialist: Most often the word specialist refers to a medical professional that took extra courses dedicated toward a specific field of study rather then general medical education. For example the cardiologist, oncologist, and heart surgeon are all "specialists". Sometimes using this word brings fears as the client might assume there is something wrong if they need a specialist. If I used this word with my client it would be after great thought as I wouldn't want to toss it out there lightly and chance my pregnant, emotional client becoming more stressed or worried. I feel it would be more appropriate to call the specialist by the designated specialty - "Well Doctor so-and-so is an oncologist and may be able to better answer your questions then I can"
4. Pedi: More often than not pedi is used to refer to a pediatrician. I do not feel this word should be used 100% of the time, however I feel after already discussing the pediatrician with my client it might be acceptable to use this word on occasion.
5. Caregiver: The word caregiver is used to refer to doctors and health professionals that care for patients. I personally do not think I would use this as it brings images of an invalid needing constant care to my mind. As a doula I want to help empower my clients and I feel this word might do the opposite.
The power of language can be extreme on both ends. It can make a person feel fearful, empowered, dejected, neglected, accepted, loved and disrespected both intentionally and unintentionally.
"List all the words you can think of to refer to a woman. These may be commonly used terms, offensive or derogatory words, slang, or complimentary terms. The words should be synonyms or substitutes for the word "woman," not descriptions, so you might choose "lady" but not "pretty." Choose five of the words you listed and write a paragraph on each one, specifying what image the terms conjure up for you, when you think this term may be appropriate or inappropriate, and how the word makes you feel. Repeat the exercise using the word doctor.
When you review your lists of words, and your thoughts on what emotions and associations you have with each word, what conclusions can you make about the power of language to convey very different ideas about the same basic subject?"
Woman:
Lady*Woman*Girl*Mom*Mother*Mommy*Momma*Madre*Bitch*Whore*Female*She*Her*
Gal*Chick*Chicca*Babe*Bimbo*Dame*Fox*Hottie*Lesbo*Dyke*Hooker*Slut*Ma'am*Pris*
Miss*Skank*Mrs*Ms*Bride*Wife*Dominatrix*Tomboy
1. Girl: The word girl conjures up a school age youthful image in my mind. I do not think of a pregnant woman, let alone someone physically capable of even becoming pregnant. The use of this word would be appropriate when indeed talking about a female youth, not when referring to a client. When I hear the word girl I immediately think of my young daughters.
2. Bitch: The word bitch conjures up images of immature teenagers/young adults or of hostile situations. This word is not endearing nor professional to use in any sense and I do not feel it is appropriate to use this word at all. When I hear someone refer to a woman in this sense I feel hostile and aggressive towards the offender as this is a derogatory word.
3. Female: The word female conjures up images of a medical setting. I also think of cold and impersonal documentations. This term is too impersonal to use regarding my client, in my opinion, I might use it when referring to her unborn child but that is all.
4. Gal: While this word is not very professional, I do feel it would be acceptable to use with my clients however not referring to the client. The word gal is a bit too impersonal for my taste however it is also warmer than referring the "female I spoke to regarding (the clients) inquiries."
5. Wife: The use of the word wife is acceptable when talking about a non-present party or inquiring as to who someones wife is. I do not feel it is acceptable to assume my client is married so I would (hope) never to ask the clients partner "where is your wife". In addition, referring to someone as "wife" is very cold and impersonal.
Doctor:
Doc*Doctor*Professional*Quack*MD*Medic*Surgeon*Specialist*Caregiver*OB*Pedi*Dentist*
Ortho*
1. Doc: The use of the word Doc would be acceptable in a situation where the patient and doctor have an established "friendly" relationship. It's personal and endearing, yet acknowledges the fact that the doctor is the professional. I'm not sure if I would ask my clients "oh and what'd your doc say about that" as that does not seem professional at all.
2. Quack: Most times the word quack is used to refer to a doctor that doesn't seem to know what they are talking about in addition to mental health doctors. It is a derogatory or slang word. There is no place in the doula field for the use of this word.
3. Specialist: Most often the word specialist refers to a medical professional that took extra courses dedicated toward a specific field of study rather then general medical education. For example the cardiologist, oncologist, and heart surgeon are all "specialists". Sometimes using this word brings fears as the client might assume there is something wrong if they need a specialist. If I used this word with my client it would be after great thought as I wouldn't want to toss it out there lightly and chance my pregnant, emotional client becoming more stressed or worried. I feel it would be more appropriate to call the specialist by the designated specialty - "Well Doctor so-and-so is an oncologist and may be able to better answer your questions then I can"
4. Pedi: More often than not pedi is used to refer to a pediatrician. I do not feel this word should be used 100% of the time, however I feel after already discussing the pediatrician with my client it might be acceptable to use this word on occasion.
5. Caregiver: The word caregiver is used to refer to doctors and health professionals that care for patients. I personally do not think I would use this as it brings images of an invalid needing constant care to my mind. As a doula I want to help empower my clients and I feel this word might do the opposite.
The power of language can be extreme on both ends. It can make a person feel fearful, empowered, dejected, neglected, accepted, loved and disrespected both intentionally and unintentionally.
3/2/09
True empathy
"After you have read Andrew LeCompte's article on "true" empathy, above, write a short passage explaining, in your own words, what empathy is and why it is an important skill to have as a birth doula or a childbirth educator or a postpartum doula."
True empathy is the ability to identify with another persons feelings and help them begin to have positive possibilities come from those feelings/situation. This is an important skill as a birth doula because it is part of my duties to help the mom realize her birth plan and have that type of birth. I am there to support and assist the mom in anyway I can. By simply empathizing with her when something negative comes around I won't be helping her to reach her goals - nor would I be helping her reach those positive outcomes. Whereas if I were to use true empathy I would be validating her feelings, and helping her to realize positive outcomes so she is enabled to work around the situation and still reach her goals.
True empathy is the ability to identify with another persons feelings and help them begin to have positive possibilities come from those feelings/situation. This is an important skill as a birth doula because it is part of my duties to help the mom realize her birth plan and have that type of birth. I am there to support and assist the mom in anyway I can. By simply empathizing with her when something negative comes around I won't be helping her to reach her goals - nor would I be helping her reach those positive outcomes. Whereas if I were to use true empathy I would be validating her feelings, and helping her to realize positive outcomes so she is enabled to work around the situation and still reach her goals.
'Write down all the ways that you can think of that people communicate through non-verbal means. Are there unique non-verbal cues used in your community that you don't see elsewhere? Consider which of these methods you feel is the most effective in getting the message across."
* Facial expressions
* Body language (posture, hand gestures etc)
* Appearance
* Tone of voice
* Signs and pictures
No, there aren't any unique non-verbal cues used in my community that I don't see elsewhere.
I personally feel that body language and facial expressions are the most effective in getting the message across.
* Facial expressions
* Body language (posture, hand gestures etc)
* Appearance
* Tone of voice
* Signs and pictures
No, there aren't any unique non-verbal cues used in my community that I don't see elsewhere.
I personally feel that body language and facial expressions are the most effective in getting the message across.
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