Life out there?

I have made the comment numerous times that I relate too well to music. That being stated here, I wanted to clarify my earlier post in regards to Mr. Flirt saying I seemed unhappy etc. Reba McEntire did a song titled Is there Life Out There? years ago and this is the best way I can describe how I feel about my life. I love my family, would never leave it but hell what else is there? For those of you that don't listen or know country music I am adding the lyrics.

Is There Life Out There

She married when she was twenty.
She thought she was ready.
Now she's not so sure.
She thought she'd done some living.
Now she's just wonderin' what she's living for.
Now she's feeling that there's something more.

Chorus:
Is there life out there.
So much she hasn't done.
Is there life beyond her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin
Is there life out there

She's always lived for tomorrow
She's never learned how
To live for today
She's dyin' to try something foolish
Do something crazy
Or just get away
Something for herself for a change

Repeat chorus

There's a place in the sun that she's never been
Where life is fair and time is a friend
Would she do it the same as she did back then
She looks out the window and wonders again

Repeat chorus twice

Our meeting

Why the need to walk? Driving would have been much better. Being outside was akin to trying to breathe through a soaked goose down comforter - the hot air was so thick I could not draw it deep enough into my lungs and the humidity suffocated me. At least I'll get some relief once I get in there. Or so I had thought. But something was wrong. As the door lazily swung open the icy blast I was counting on did not pursue it. What the Hell? Where is the rickety clunk of the air conditioner? Where is the relief? Why doesn't he have the air on? Intolerable!

The wait was unbearable; the music was so soft that the fly buzzing around the dingy window was deafening, the water cooler was empty, the freezer bare of any ice chips, the air was heavier inside than out, even the flowers were wilting (not that that made any difference). As the seconds ticked into minutes our meeting steadily grew closer yet that did nothing to soothe away the discomfort the day had already wrought.

Finally the time came to enter that back room. Any hopes of finally escaping the heat diminished as the heavy door quietly opened. Despite the frantic spinning of the ceiling fan, the heat was unyielding. Thankfully the gossamer dress was no barrier to the only relief to be found - sitting upon the shiny metallic stool normally reserved for him, coolness was felt instantaneously. As the last hint of cool metal whimpered into a clammy stool beneath my overheated body the door eased open and he sauntered in as though the air conditioner was running full blast; as though I had not just sweat out 15 pounds in this infernal sauna, but that was fine, I could play calm and collected too.

"How's it going?" He actually asked me.

"Not so well, I am not so sure about this you know."

"It's ok, it's normal to be nervous. Should we get started then?" He said, offering his hand to help me up.

Wow, nothing like getting right down to business huh. I noticed his hand was cold when I placed my palm in his. Feeling his cool skin sent a shock through me. Surprised I looked into his eyes and as his full lips spread into a grin I felt my knees weaken. Standing there so close to him I could smell the spicy scent of his aftershave, God it smelt delicious. Chuckling he extracted his hand from mine and placed it on the small of my back, pulling me a little closer to him. My heart skipped a few beats and I could feel the telltale signs of desire between my legs. I don't know how we had lasted this long. . .

Gingerly he reached his left hand behind my head and skillfully pulled the clip from my hair. He did it so gently that I barely noticed the weight easing from my shoulders as my hair settled along my back. His head dropped closer to mine, I could feel his cool breath on my lips as I moistened them with my tongue. He entwined his fingers in my hair, slowly brought my face closer to his and lightly kissed me. His lips were cool to the touch, firm yet soft. He was soon pressed against my body, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.

"Mmm" I groaned as I stepped away "I am sorry, it's just too damn hot for this" I told him. To my surprise he grinned in a wicked way, chuckled and said "God how I was hoping you'd say that." Quickly he stepped towards his desk, immediately I felt a damp air where his body had been. Curiously I watched as he stooped down, opened the mini fridge door and withdrew a glass bowl of ice. Now I knew why the ice had been gone from the refrigerator and why his skin and lips were so cool to the touch. But how was ice going to make me chance my mind? Did he expect me to take an ice bath or something? I sure hope not because that's not going to happen, I thought.

It took him two steps to return to me. He set the bowl down on the stool and withdrew two ice cubes from it. With a piece of ice in each hand he touched the cube in his right hand to my lips and put the other to his own. The ice felt heavenly. I stood there letting him trace the cube across my lips. As he sucked the other cube into his mouth I parted my own lips and licked the droplets from it. The crisp cold drop was exquisite. I opened my mouth further so he could give me the cube but instead of putting it in my mouth he bent his head to mine and kissed me again. His cold tongue caressed my own as I licked at the melting ice cube in his mouth. Greedily I grabbed him by the waist and sucked the cube into my own mouth. He kissed my cool lips as I let the icy water drip down my throat. As the ice cold droplets slid down my throat I noticed the other ice cube he had been holding as he slid it along my throat, chasing its water trail with soft sucking kisses. The ice cube slowly slipped down the deep neckline of my dress, he lapped up the trail it left behind with his warm tongue. As the ice crested the top of my breast he lost control and it plummeted to its resting place, snugly between my breasts. The cold was exquisite after the heat of the day - I could feel it snake down my stomach to my left thigh.

Undeterred he grabbed another ice cube and began to trail it along the other side of my throat while the first cube lay to rest, melting and slowly cooling my body. He took his time kissing and licking at the watery trail the ice left on my skin. I began to squirm in anticipation. His free hand found the zipper at my back and slowly tugged it down while he played the ice across my exposed skin. As the zipper slid down to my lower back the new ice cube he was using fell to rest again snugly between my ample breasts. This time, however, he followed its decent - his mouth hot on the already cooled skin. His tongue, darting around the ice cube, dislodged it and brought it into his mouth while he slipped my dress off my shoulders.

To his surprise, I was not wearing a bra beneath my dress. He took his time teasing my nipples erect with new ice cubes, following the cold with his warm tongue. As the arctic water met my nipples he would tease them ever harder, watching as the puckered tighter only to soothe them with his hot tongue. Quickly they were taut with desire, my legs were wobbling with temptation and any sense of hesitation had fled my mind without a second thought. I put my shaking hands on his shoulders and told him I was feeling a bit dizzy. He chuckled and guided me towards his desk where I was able to lean against it and attempt to gather my wits while he proceeded in pulling my dress over my hips, letting it pool around my feet on the bare floor.

He stood arm's length away and continued to trace the ice cubes along my body. I watched his eyes glimmer as the ice glazed over my stomach. Shocked at his audacity I grabbed hold of his hand as he brought the ice further up my inner right thigh. That's when he took half a step closer and kissed me. His tongue played with mine; I was barely conscience of him pushing me back on the desk and wiggling his way between my thighs until he produced yet another frigid ice cube. He traced lines on my inner thighs slowly working his way closer to my quivering center while his tongue teased my nipples and my fingers played in the light stubble on his head. Ever so slowly he licked his way south following the trail the ice had left moments ago. I lost any sense of inhibitions. He traced an icy trail over my stomach, stopping long enough to suck the water from my belly button. Continuing his downward path the ice cube outlined the apex of my thighs, dampening the downy hair with frigid water until his mouth warmed it as he licked up the trail. Grabbing more ice cubes he squatted down, eye level with my most intimate parts he slid the cubes over my thighs. As I began to shiver with anticipation he brought an ice cube to my center, freezing my throbbing core with the icy water and warming it again with his hot tongue. I hissed in shock as he slowly pushed the cube inside me. He stood, kissed me and saved himself from the lashings of my tongue while his fingers assured the ice cube stayed in place. Soon a trickle of frigid water began to seep from me and he bent down to lap it up. The contrast of his hot, soft tongue compared to the arctic jewel within me was exquisite. He sucked it out of me and took his time warming my core. His tongue caressed and teased me. Just as I could feel myself contracting around his tongue he rose again.

Again he filled me with a freezing rock. Allowing just a few trickles of water to cascade out of me he teased my already taut nipples with another ice cube, cooling them only to warm them again with his hot mouth. Just as the ice within me melted I felt him plunge his cock hard into me. I almost screamed with the sheer pleasure of hot and cold. He stood there motionless for a moment while I flexed against him. As I gained my composure he began pumping in and out, slowly at first. The cold from the ice was barely discernible the more he plunged into me. Eventually he brought me to a quivering mess. I couldn't think let alone talk. It wasn't until I had finally stopped flexing around his shaft that he finally looked deep into my eyes, smiled and plunged deep within only to quiver and throb against me. Throwing my head back I screamed out in complete abandon. I had never felt this way before and only prayed I would feel it again.

ETA: This is a creative writing.

Quirks

Just a few quirks about me:

1. I get panicky when I have tangles in my hair
2. I cut my left baby toe off when I was in my adolescent years (it was stitched back on but I still have phantom pain in it)
3. I'm not a strong swimmer but I love to swim. My swimming lessons were cut short when I had the toe stitches lol
4. People that fall asleep at a drop of a hat annoy me.
5. I love eye contact during the most intimate times.
6. I'm so stubborn that I will finish a book even if I hate it - might take me a few months but I finish it.
7. I am as afraid of the quiet as a child is of the dark.
8. I have what's called sleep paralysis.
9. I've finally realized my self worth!

Sultry

Today, oh hell yesterday/today - still awake, anyway I was feeling kind of under the weather. I wasn't feeling sick or anything like that, maybe just a bit depressed. But then some stranger told me I have "very sultry" eyes. WOW! I have never been told that before. Nor had I ever thought that about myself so it was extremely nice to hear that. Thank you again stranger!

Well I am going to try and sleep again, I hope y'all had a great night.

Crazy eights

I know according to the title of my blog this is supposed to be solely blogging about the things I think of while trying to sleep and I haven't been doing that lately - oh well. Maybe I will change the title and or description. . . .

8 Things I am passionate about. . .
1. My children - I could cheat and list each one separately but where's the fun in that?
2. My marriage
3. My extended family (parents, siblings etc)
4. Writing
5. Reading
6. Photography
7. Improving the richness of my life (not monetary)
8. Finding out who I am

8 Book I have read and enjoyed. . .
1. The Harry Potter Series
2. Just about every book of James Patterson's - except the last 2 yrs worth
3. The Marked series by P. C. Cast - awesome series
4. The Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage - kind of like LotR and Wheel of Time books but for teens
4. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series
5. Touch the Dark series by Karen Chance - best vampire series yet, yes better than the Ann Rice ones
6. Grimm Memorials series
7. Mary Balogh's Slightly series - only romance novels I enjoy, I've read them all twice so far
8. Loads of Tami Hoag's books
*I told you I was passionate about reading ;O)

8 Words/Phrases I say often
1. Seriously!
2. I don't care
3. Knock it off or go to your room
4. lol - that's typed a lot but it counts :O)
5. Are you still on WoW?
6. I love you!
7. NO!
8. Thanks

8 Things I want to do before I die - in no specific order
1. Watch my children graduate, marry and become parents themselves
2. Sky dive
3. Finish writing a book and get it published
4. Spend a New Years Eve at the big apple
5. Go on a cruise
6. Own a house
7. Go to Italy
8. Visit all of the USA capitals in an RV (I know crazy huh)

8 Things I learned this past year
1. I have learned a lot about who I am this past year
2. Being 30 isn't all that bad
3. To let go of my inhibitions
4. My kids are going to be ok in life
5. That even those closest to you can hurt you in such away the hurt can never be undone
6. Certain people are unable to change for the best and it's best to keep my distance from them
7. Who my true friends are and are not
8. That I can do the right thing no matter how wrong it seems at the time.

8 People I want to tag
1. Um as in tag you're it? I don't know. I stick to myself a lot but if you wanna do this and share your answers feel free to let me know and I'll check them out. I love to see how I compare to strangers - yet another random factoid.
2. If tagging someone means something else let me know please. Obviously I am lost lol. I'm still learning things about the blogging world and haven't ventured out much.

Quite revealing

You've caught me. . . I am an internet quiz junkie. Not sure what it is about them but I really love to take them. So anyway there was this one test I just took about "how much are you willing to sacrifice for sex" or something like that. After taking it and reading my results, wow I think it sums up most of what I wrote about this morning quite well.

You have an average sex-drive. You would sacrifice your private collection for it, because sex and a relationship is worth more to you than a silly set of objects. You are passionate in a relationship, but you don't push your partner. (Hmm that was news to me, I never considered myself passionate about a relationship but after thinking about it for a while yea I guess I am. And no, I don't push that boy for more than what he's willing to give.) You are not perfect either, you might slip up, (the only slip ups I have had are all mental) but you always come back. You probably have a few good friends you love very much. I have a few select friends that I love tremendously! I'm not very trusting - I don't trust many people to handle (in an emotional sense not physical) me without hurting me and I've been burned enough times not to want to do that again. Therefore I keep the friends I have close to my heart and very cautiously allow anyone else to get close enough. I think that's one of the reasons I love the internet so much and prefer Txt messaging over actual talking.

P.S. To those of you that I Txt with, don't be offended. I even prefer Txting with my mom over talking and she and I are super close. I'm just not a phone kinda gal. Although, I admit a nice deep voice can do wonders to my nerve endings. . . Mmmm

What a trip

I have to share this little tidbit too. For the second time in 3 hours I was told to tell my boy how lucky he is if he didn't already know. (Ok it's actually three times cuz Mr. Flirt said it the first two times.) That makes me feel a little lighter, not so panicky. I guess I'm doing something right after all. If nothing else I should be content with the passion I feel for life and my kids, right.

I've been up for 48 hours now. Time to seek some physical comfort in my boy's arms. Happy slumbers and Carpe Noctem!

What's missing

I was just signing off the cpu to head to bed but I know I won't be able to sleep til I get this down. Talking with Mr. Flirt tonight he pointed out that he's noticed that I don't seem "happy" in my current condition. He is accurate in that assessment. When I tried to explain it to him my thoughts became so jumbled up that I could not sort them out in a coherent manner. He seemed to be under the impression that I am "torturing" myself by remaining in this condition and I do not want him to think that because it's so not the case.

When I entered into this condition I was a lot younger, at the time I felt everything was there. The main aspect being a friendship I had never had before this boy came into my life. And I loved this boy desperately for everything he was and meant to me. At that age I didn't stop to think about passion. Oh who am I fooling, at that age I could not even begin to describe passion and what it would bring to my life or what I would miss from its absence. As time has passed everything I already had continued to grow, deepen and strengthen.

However at this junction in life I have become almost painfully aware that something was missing. It took me a while to unravel my thoughts and process what I felt I was lacking. It's not actually me though, or that boy per se. There is just a missing piece to the puzzle. . . .

Within the last year I began to feel like I was constantly hyperventilating. At first I thought it was just the dread of turning 30, but that wasn't it. I started doing some soul searching and really examined my life. My life is actually so rich with love, examining this was what finally brought my attention what was missing. Being a mom is the most rewarding feeling in the world for me. I love my monsters with a ferocity that I could not feel towards anything else. They are what get me out of bed everyday, they keep me grounded and give my life the direction it was lacking. It was while I was exploring my love for them that I realized what it felt like to experience passion in it's fullest glory.

This discovery brought about my realization of what was missing. I am an avid reader and have read about passionate lovers many times, I used to believe it was just another glorified way of describing love. But after realizing the passion I feel for my children I have realized I was wrong and that is what I need, lack. That boy and I have grown, but as "friends" not so much lovers. I want to feel the carnal passion in the most intimate aspects of my life. I need to be more than a companion, a friend. I want to be called angel, and feel like I'm the driving force for someones existence. I crave that feeling and to reciprocate those same desires.

Anyway I'm not torturing myself, I just need some help. Someone to understand and guide me so to speak. And yet while I ache for this I know my boy will not be able to be that "someone". Here is where I am stuck and feel imprisoned. Our relationship is nearly perfect in every other aspect and I think that is what keeps me here. I doubt I could have everything I have with this boy in addition to passion. I'm not a perfectionist. I can continue as I have the past 12 years. It just makes me wonder if I could have it all, is that possible? Or would I not have to sacrifice some other aspect just to gain the passion? I am not ready for that kind of sacrifice. . . Not yet anyway.

I just wish I could trade lives with someone for a day so I could feel that passion. And then I wonder, had I waited; not been so eager to get on with life. . . Maybe had I actually taken the time to experiment, to test the waters so to say, then maybe I would have experienced this passion and it would not be such a big deal to me now. I'm just afraid I will never get the chance to know a passion like this and that terrifies me. . .

Chaos

It is 2:30 in the afternoon and here I sit, still awake. I tried sleeping a few times throughout the night typically sleep evaded me.

Two nights ago an idea for another creative entry drifted through my mind as I was slipping off to dreamland so yesterday I started committing it here. I was working on it a good portion of the day a few minor hiccups here and there as the exhaustion sank in until finally the thoughts got tangled somewhere between my mind and fingertips. And then there was a certain flirt, Mr. Flirt to you (he knows his name), that helped constipate my thought process lol. I was managing to push past most of the exhaustion and pound some of the words out until he sidetracked me with all that banter back and forth! (Ssh, he doesn't need to know that I secretly love it when he sidetracks me. We get along great so it has never bothered me when he strikes up a conversation - he could even do it more often and I wouldn't care. . . ) Just as I managed to get some organization back in the dusty grey matter hiding deep within the recesses of my head, he really threw me for a loop.

We were talking about how temperamental his phone is, apparently he has to hold it in a very precise location to get or send Txt messages. I know! My thoughts exactly. In fact I even told him I wasn't too sure I wanted to know said location. Smugly, I thought my wise ass comment had stumped him - no luck. He threw a curve ball that collided with my tummy and hasn't been dislodged yet. Fine I'll tell you what he sent back to me . I cannot quote it word for word because it has since been deleted but it was along the lines of no not the same place I would put you because if I put it under me it wouldn't get a thing. True Mr. Flirt and I are only friends, but yeah that Txt really sent me on a brand new roller coaster ride. Since then I haven't been able to get my thoughts back in order. Every time I attempt going back to that creative blog I can only think of his comment. Ugh!

Ha see Mr. Flirt, I told you that I would be up while you slept, blogging and thinking of your Txt. Did I know how to call it or what? Well my reaction to that Txt was pretty strong so that wasn't even a question of a doubt for me lol.

And I guess I should admit that I've sent him some flirty Txts before too. I doubt though that any of our exchanges have ever caused (at least he's never indicated it has) this much chaos. Why in the world did this one? Hmmm. . . Maybe it effected me so much because I was already in an *aroused* state due to the entry I had been working on. He bluntness probably didn't help matters, or my overactive imagination. And I know my fucking insomnia did not help at all.

The power of suggestion can be blissful once you succumb to it.

Older

I think I'm going to share some journal entries out of my red plaid journal - the one I spoke of in my first entry on here. Since there are a couple of things I want to share I will just put them all in this one entry. I apologize now if it gets too long. ;)

Into my life, he crept. No questions or doubts were considered. His tales of loves' misfortunes fell upon my ear; words of wisdom and encouragement I did utter. My heart he did make stutter, for within its cavity he did seep. Questions I now long to ask begin to form on my lips. Soon my fears gain control; those questions dissipate. This tale of love - my great misfortune - shall never fall upon his ear.

________________________________________________________________

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window,
Gazing upon multifarious faces.
Their vacant eyes beseeching the heavens.
Jagged noses marring their guise -
Twisted mouths suggesting an everlasting wail.

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window;
I realize the abundant faces are not!
Not faces at all, rather the cliffs.
Distressing images infringe upon me.
Ghostly reflections of the dejected and starveling -
Haunting pictures of the neglected and rapidly dying.

Driving along the desolate highway -
Looking out a window;
Glimpsing forever lost spirits
Encased in the cliffs along the forlorn highway,
Being touched by the faces, forever saddened
By my troublesome thoughts.
*I wrote that one while traveling down Oregon. I'd fallen asleep right before we'd left Washington, growing too hot in the car I started to wake and the first thing I noticed were the cliffs. In my sleepy state I thought the cliffs were faces of some kind. As I gradually woke up the above thoughts drifted through my mind so I captured them in my journal. Yet another reason I travel with a journal at hand lol.

_________________________________________________________

Take my hand in your hand.
United we shall stand.
We will face all
our earthly fears together.
With a love as strong as ours; we shall
Remain Forever.

__________________________________________________________

Drifting along in the sea
Protective forces shimmering
In the heaving tide.

__________________________________________________________

Forever More
Tonight you shall vanish
from my reach.
But can you distinguish
the things I long to teach
before you slip away once more?
Today my heart breaks,
and you can't hear my cry.
Why do I allow the stakes
to get so high with the escape of my empty sigh?
Soon the pain will come once more!
In the morn you shall be gone
from my side.
I can only ask, how long?
Am I asking too much; to let my heart be the place you reside?
Or is it my destiny that you should leave once more?
Dusk is approaching all too soon.
My stomach is slowly beginning to churn.
After you're gone, my gaze will find the moon
and my tears will begin to burn.
I cannot allow you to see my pain once more.
For now I will rest
In the comfort
of your warm caress,
and I will try to fight off the hurt;
for this moment I must cherish Forever More.

Hidden among the rubbish.

Frustrated that everyone uses my hall closet to dump their rubbish, I can't stand clutter, I undertook the daunting task of cleaning out all their crap. While I was clearing out the last 2 years worth of paper, pens, crayons, games, model kits and such I stumbled upon some old journals of mine. I thought I'd share a poem I wrote back in '96.


Before There Was You

A church with no voices raised,
singing loud in heavenly praise,
is just four walls 'round a silent room.
That was me before there was you.

A ship with no guiding star
aimlessly drifting near and far,
with no harbor to sail into.
That was me before there was you.

A world where darkness fell
like a coin down an empty well
where no wish had been whispered.
That was me before there was you.

That was me before there was you,
the last dark cloud in a sky of blue
On a lonesome wind just passing through.

So accurate it's scarey

Your result for The Color Code Test...

Color Code: BLUE: The Social Butterfly

26% Red, 31% Blue, 31% White and 11% Yellow!

Here is the basics: For a more in depth analysis, I suggest you look up the Color Code, and take a more intensive test.

BLUE MOTIVE: Intimacy

BLUE NEEDS: To be good (morally), To be understood, To be appreciated, Acceptance.

BLUE WANTS: To reveal insecurities, Quality, Autonomy, Secuirity.

SUMMARY: Blues are motivated by altruism. They love to do nice things for others. they look for opportunites to give up something in order to bring another person happiness. selflessness rather than selfishness is their guiding philosophy. Blues seek intimacy. They want to be loved and to love. A true blue will sacrifice a successful career to improve an important relationship. Blues crave being understood. They are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. Blues may have thier hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love. Blues are directed by a strong moral conscience. They have a moral code that guides them in their decision making, their value judgements, and their leisure time. A blue would rather lose than cheat. Ethically, blues are people who should be in positions of power, but seldom are.

Take The Color Code Test at HelloQuizzy

I found this interesting

Your result for The Where Should YOU Travel Test...

Thai Resort

You scored 65% culture, 42% social, 45% activity, and 61% adventure!

Thailand...an exciting, culturally rich destination that offers you all the relaxation you can handle. This is a more satisfying place to visit than the usual hot 'n sunny places because you are experiencing a very unique place. The beaches are gorgeous and you can chill out in a hammock and be left alone. But you can also venture out into the floating markets, restaurants and even ride an elephant. The resorts are an oasis of tranquility surrounded by a world of adventures. It really is the best of both worlds. You can stay in a typical resort, of for more privacy, you can stay in a beach house all to yourself. Thai food is one of the most popular cuisines in the world, but they also make all types of dishes to suit all tastes. You will come back feeling like you've been enriched and energized. If you had fun dreaming about where you might go, don't forget to rate my test. Thanks!

Not much goin on

Life has been a bit lonely this last week. Thankfully things should get back to normal this weekend. We're having house guests again. Ha I can be fickle can't I. I love my simple contained life and at the same time I get lonely with my simple contained life. Thus is the complexity of a woman's mind. . . at least this one's mind.

I haven't been working out as much on the Wii Fit lately. Instead I have been taking a 5 mile walk every night. I plan on getting back on the Wii Fit next Monday though. And I am hoping to start riding my bike more. Hahaha I dread riding it though because my town is all hills. I am not that into self torture. :)

That is it for tonight. I am going to turn The Other Boleyn - I think that's the name. We rented it a few night's ago and I still have not watched it. So I will watch it tonight, if I can't sleep when it is over I will get back on here.

I started writing more on that first story but I am not finished with it yet so it isn't posted. As soon as I finish it I will post it.

Sweet dreams to all you that actually sleep. For the rest of you - happy reading and may you find something to occupy all the lonely hours in which normal people are sleeping.

Her first time

Ummm this is just another creative writing I did today. . . .

She could not believe her luck; Mom had actually allowed them to go down to the basement alone. Normally her mom made Jimmy, her kid brother; tag along so as to prevent any unsavory behavior.

Her mom had been around the block before; having had Sara when she herself was only 16 made her more cautious than her own parents had been. But today her mom was preoccupied with the mail. Some strange man greeted her at the mailbox and served her with yet another court summons. She could not believe Michael was trying to get the child support reduced yet again.

Sara asked her mom if they could go down to watch a movie and there was no mention of bringing Jimmy. If Mom gets mad I'll just tell her she never said I had to bring him, and I did ask if Alex and I could watch the movie not Jimmy, Alex and I. Sara pushed thoughts of impending punishment out of her mind. She had been waiting for such a moment for what seemed like an eternity. Alex had asked Sara out a few months ago and Deb had warned her what Alex wanted, told her that if she didn't seal the deal that he would dump her as quickly as he had dumped Deb.

Sarah still wondered sometimes how she could go out with someone who had broken Debs heart as badly as Alex had. But Deb insisted Sarah say yes, even after Sarah vehemently told her she would do no such thing. Sarah had already given up any hopes of a romance between her and Alex when Deb called her last year to brag about Alex asking her out. But Deb argued, insisted, and finally when Sarah would not give in Deb had personally called Alex to tell him Sarah had agreed to go out with him. Sarah was pleasantly stuck now; she would not look like a fool and refuse after Deb had talked to Alex.

"So what do you wanna watch?" Alex asked bringing Sarah's attention back to what she had planned for so long now.

"Um. . . I really don't care. Just pick something" Sarah told him. Mentally she went over her checklist as she prepared herself. She lit the few candles on the end table. As the light vanilla scent drifted into the cavernous room Sarah tossed the blanket over the couch. While Alex was setting up the movie Sarah quickly applied her cherry chap stick.

Turning toward the couch Alex asked Sarah "What about Jimmy? Shouldn't he be here too? I don’t want you to get into any trouble."

"Mom did not say anything about Jimmy. I think she is finally fine with us being together" she blurted.

Alex went to the couch and his lazy grin slowly grew causing a deep throbbing sensation within Sarah. She was even surer that this was the day. As Alex sat on the couch she told him she would go get the popcorn and drinks.

"Oh I can help" he told her. Her heart stopped. How can I do it if he is right there? She thought to herself.

"Um no, that's ok. I can do it. Just go ahead and start the movie. I don't wanna waste time on the previews, we've seen them already anyway" she told him as she walked off hoping he would have no choice but to stay put.

Alone in the little snack alcove Sarah tossed the pouch of popcorn in the microwave, grabbed two cokes out of the cooler and put them on the tray she had stashed near the microwave the night before. After the popcorn finished she dumped it in a big bowl and set the bowl on the tray; taking a deep steadying breath she quickly reached under her skirt, hooked her fingers around the waistband of her panties and jerked them down. Balling her panties in her hand, she picked up the tray and carried it back to the couch; while she was still behind the couch she dropped her panties and nudged them underneath the couch. Without missing a step Sarah continued around the side of the couch and, bending over slightly to place the tray on the coffee table, she wondered if he could tell what was missing from her outfit.

While Sarah was making the popcorn Alex wondered what was going on with her. Is everything ok, or is she getting ready to break up with me? He thought to himself. She would not light the candles though if she was breaking up with me, would she? But she brought him out of his thoughts as she set the tray on the coffee table, he was not sure but he could have sworn she was not wearing anything underneath that skirt of hers. But before he could even figure out what to say to her about it she sat down next to him, grabbed the remote and hit play.

Sarah was not sure what to do next; she knew she could not just say "let’s screw" so instead she started the movie. What do I do now? She wondered. Alex unwittingly solved her dilemma when he twisted to face her, put his arm around her shoulders and said "Hey I do not know what is going on but I want you to know that" with that she leaned against him and kissed him hard on his lips. Alex wanted Sarah to know that he was not expecting anything from her.

Sarah was not sure what Alex was going to say, she just knew it was now or never. Leaning against him she wrapped one arm around his shoulder put her other hand on his chest and she kissed him. She was so nervous that the kiss was a bit harder then she had intended. Their teeth smashed together and she thought she could taste blood in her mouth. Oh great he is really going to think I am an idiot now she thought.

Alex had a sneaking suspicion he knew what she was up to, Deb was her friend after all. I have to stop this madness he thought. Pulling back a little he looked in her eyes and began to say "Look Sarah I think I know what this is all about. Well I want you to know that I do not" but she ducked her head and sat back. Oh God I have blown it he thought.

Oh God I have blown it, he does not want me. Deb was right, I waited too long she was thinking as she sat back on the couch.

Alex lifted her chin with his finger and quietly said "Look Sarah, I do not know for sure what you are planning but I want you to know you do not have to do it.”

A tear slipped from her eye "You do not want me then?" she asked him.

"Damn it girl! I have wanted you forever now. That is why I was hanging around Deb so much last year. She told me she would set us up, but she never did. Then she tried to get me to sleep with her and I just gave up on it. I figured you were not interested. And when I asked you out this year and you refused I knew I was right and you did not want to be with me. But Deb called and you said yes and here we are. I figured maybe you just weren't sure before. And now I just do not want you to feel pressured into something you are not ready for."

"Oh my God! Are you serious? Deb said you two were a couple last summer. Then when you broke up she was so broken hearted, I could not say yes to you even though I had liked you before Deb. "

Elated Alex leaned over and kissed Sarah. His lips pressed lightly on hers. She parted her lips slightly, tentatively touching his lips with her tongue. He leaned in closer to her, deepening their kiss and then, mouth against hers he asked her "are you sure?"

Sarah, placing his hand on her breast, pulled his head back for another kiss. It was as though someone else had possessed her - she was sure of herself and moved as though she had done this 100 times before now despite this being her first time. Granted Alex and she had kissed plenty of times before now, his hand had even grazed the sides of her breasts a time or two. But he had never held or fondled them as he was right then.

Kissing Sarah, Alex tenderly squeezed her breast. His tongue traced the line of her teeth, caressed her tongue, and slid behind her tooth line to taste the spot against her top front teeth. Caressing his tongue with hers, she pulled his shirt up and began exploring his body with her hands. She softly tugged on the sparse hair that was beginning to cover his chest, her right hand found his nipple and expertly began to roll it between her forefinger and thumb.

Alex's hand fell from her breast to her lap. Sarah squirmed in anticipation causing his hand to slide further up her silky thigh. Heat bloomed inside her belly, her thighs twitched and she suddenly could not catch her breath.

Alex ended the kiss, gazed in her eyes and slowly moved his hand further up her thigh. He was not sure how far this would go but he did not want her feeling pressured into it. He had waited a year for this moment and he would wait another so long as she would not end up regretting it.

Sarah slouched lower on the couch, twisted toward him a bit more and pulled her top off. Her black bra was carefully chosen for its front clasp - it was the only front closing bra she owned, secretly bought with money she had saved from babysitting. She smiled and grew even more confident as she heard the sharp hiss of breath Alex let out. This was new territory for both of them.

Sitting there Alex noticed the front clasp. He gingerly grasped the clasp and looked at her again, as she smiled at him he unclasped the bra, peeled it off her full breasts and watched her sitting there. Her ivory skin glowed golden and blue in the light of the candles and TV. He could see her nipples tighten; the last of his doubt flew from his mind.

Sarah smiled at Alex, hoping he would undo her bra. When her breasts were freed from the bra Sarah felt them swell with desire, her nipples tighten with expectancy. Alex cupped her right breast and brought his mouth down to it. She felt the feathery kisses and gasped as she felt his hot mouth close around her nipple. He tugged it between his teeth and suckled on it, flicking it with his tongue. Her belly felt like it would explode from the heat he caused deep within her body, she could feel the throbbing between her legs and squirmed uncontrollably. His hand rose higher up her thigh, confirming what he silently suspected - she wore nothing under that skirt.

Gingerly his fingers explored her downy mound. His thumb traced circles around the apex between her thighs, he could feel the moisture seep from her.

Ragged breaths escaped her as she pushed him back on the couch. She desperately wanted his warm hand between her legs again, yet she wanted more. An empty yearning was burning inside her belly. She grabbed hold of his waistband and jerked it toward her, all six buttons came free and she glimpsed his bulging boxers. Quickly she pulled his jeans lower, and looked up at him.

Seeing her heavy lidded stare, he put his arms beneath his head to prevent himself from acting too quickly. She eased his boxers down and took in the glory of his body. His thick and solid shaft promised a certain release. A wicked smile spread on her face as she took hold of his shaft and began to stroke it in her slender hand. Leaning down she kissed the tip, licked the ridge and took him in her mouth. She savored the smooth skin against her tongue.

Involuntarily shuddering, Alex groaned deep in his throat. No one had ever done this to him before and it felt exquisite. Her tongue ran along his length, and the gentle pull of her suction brought him closer to the edge. Oh no, oh God no Alex thought just as he was on the verge of ecstasy.

Sarah could not stand the gnawing inside her, she had to have him. She straddled his lap, his shaft slick with her spit, and kissed him. The passion raked both of them and Sarah quickly positioned herself over him, lowering herself she felt him impale her.

Trying to control his body, Alex roughly grabbed Sarah's waist with both his hands. "Do not move" he told her. Sarah's tight body held him snugly inside her, so snug he could feel her throbbing with desire. Groaning he counted silently in his mind.

Growing impatient Sarah began to slowly rock her hips back and forth, her hands bracing her weight on his shoulders as he dug his fingertips into her hips. Closing her eyes she continued to rock her hips. With each backward motion she'd lift off him slightly and plunge him back into her with every forward thrust of her hips. She could feel a slight suction on her clit as she rocked forward on him and she rubbed against his pelvic bone. Amazed with this sensation she looked down at his face and saw how deeply he was concentrating. Sarah hastened her rocking, she could feel her toes curl and a cold sweat overcame her entire body. Her back muscles tightened and she could feel a tingling in her scalp.

Alex could feel Sarah convulse around his shaft. He grabbed hold of her shoulders from behind and pulled her down on him as hard as he could, burying himself completely within her.

Together they both climaxed. Sarah's body shuddered as she continued rocking back down to Earth. Staring into his eyes, they both realized they had not taken any precautions. As reality sank in Sarah heard her mother's heartbroken sigh.

ETA: This is a creatvie writing.

All is (now) fair in love

Sorry, I would have updated this a while ago had I know I actually had people following it; and had life been a little calmer.

The day after I posted about our problem we finally talked things out. He admitted he was a little too into his silly computer game and I confessed that my doubts and insecurities had taken hold of me. We are better now, and he has not pushed me away anymore since then. Then life got really crazy. . .

He ended his overnight work schedule the following week. On his last overnight shift he came home and told me about a possible promotion they were offering him. The promotion was great, however the hours sucked really bad so I did not want him to take the promotion. I was not about to tell him not to take it though. Instead I voiced my honest opinion about the two possible positions and told him to decide what he wanted to do. Later that day while he was napping I found out from his coworker that he had taken the promotion. Needless to say I was fuming. He could have at least been a man and told me he was taking it, I thought to myself. When I asked him about it he told me no he had not accepted it, he called work and found out that they just gave it to him regardless. I was still mad that he had to take the position because it really messed with our life together. After a few days he spoke to the assistant manager and informed him that he would be looking for another job because this one was not going to work for us. Apparently the managers like him so much that they decided to start the paperwork to promote him to assistant manager of the store! He came home and we talked about that, I told him I could live with this but there had to be a time frame we were working towards otherwise they might just string him along to keep him working there. Together we decided that they have until the end of Jan to get the paperwork completed and submitted for him to become the assistant manager. Yay! That makes me a lot happier. Now there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel.

Other than that I had some out of town visitors for a week. They just left and now I feel like I can get my life back on track. Life was crazy with all the visitors here. Do not get me wrong, I loved having them here. But trying to entertain and feed an extra three people was just getting to be too much for me. I like my quiet life. My contained life.

On a happier note, something good came from all the rejection he was throwing at me. I went out and purchased Wii Fit a few days ago. Man I did not think you could get so sore from a simple video game!! Wow!! I am working out with the Wii Fit for approximately 2 hours everyday now, today I can barely move lol. But I am determined to make it impossible for him to reject me again.

Well that is about it in a nut-shell. I will post again soon. Lately I have been considering writing more for my first entry on here, that little story thing, I want to see if I can make it into I don't know, something. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since I wrote it so I think that means I need to expand on it. Whatever I add to it will be posted on here. Have fun! Enjoy the warm weather while it lasts!!

Bad night

Last night was a pretty ugly night. I have tried to write this out a few times already and just end up erasing it within two minutes; I can't seem to get the words out of my mind and into this little frame. About the only thing I've kept with all my erasing and rewriting is "last night was a pretty ugly night." I guess I should start at the beginning.

Like most females, I have my insecurities. I know I am not mind blowing beautiful, although I do love my hair. It's a rich coffee brown color with some deep blue streaks. The way the brown and blue contrast it makes my hair appear black. I love my hair. But I digress. I know I'm not mind blowing in any way. No I am more of an average beauty which is fine with me. And I do have a few things that consume more of my attention then they should which cause me to doubt myself. (I am sure having a father who cheats on your mother for the thirteen years of their marriage does nothing positive in quelling my doubts either.) So there you have it, I’m an average looking lady with a few doubts about herself. But I have done a pretty damn good job not letting my doubts rule my life, until last night that is.

All week I have been quite literally throwing myself at him. This is far from typical behavior for me, normal behavior for me is closer to subtlety but I love him and wanted nothing more than to share myself with him all week. Ok so maybe I needed a certain itch scratched too. ;~P Over the past eleven years he has never rejected me though. Whether I made little passes, suggestions, offers, shit I just had to come out of the shower and he would be there asking if I wanted to. And as annoying as that could sometimes be, I love that about him. He is a physical kind of man. But I am afraid something has changed recently. This is not just my normal doubts working me either.

The first time I simply asked him if he wanted a quickie real quick like and he said no, he was not in the mood. Like I normally would do, I tried to persuade him to get in the mood. He just batted my hands away and said no. Fine, I thought to myself, I have turned him down before so I guessed he was entitled to his off day. That happened around ten in the morning. For the rest of the day the ache I felt, to have him next to me, continued to grow stronger until I finally asked him again before he had to get ready for work that night. No he still did not want to. Um have I mentioned yet I like a challenge? Well I do.

All night while he was at work I sent him explicit text messages, telling him I loved and missed him, where I wished he was and how deeply I wanted to feel him within me. I was dozing off by the time he came home from work and I fully expected him to crawl into bed to give me the relief I needed. But he did not do this; he chose to play on his laptop instead of with me. Now we have discussed on many occasions that I do not like him to wake me for sex simply because my insomnia makes it hard enough for me to fall asleep and to have him wake me up – I am up for the rest of the night. Not that my requests have ever stopped him from waking me up before. In any event, I wasn’t too bothered at the time that he didn’t wake me that morning.

Later that day when I woke him up to eat so he could get ready for work I again offered and was denied. At first I attributed it to him being half asleep. That night was lonely and painful for me, not in the sense that my heart was breaking kind of painful. No this was a pain caused from the throbbing ache to have him and being deprived of him for so long. So the next day I decided to take a shower, shave and primp myself up just before having to wake him up. I was planning on locking the door and waking him up with a little skin-to-skin action. As I came out of the bathroom he was already awake and back at his computer game. Sitting there on the bed, putting lotion on my legs, I told him how I was planning on waking him up and he just chuckled and said he was sorry. That was it. No offer to go ahead with my plans, nothing but him clicking away at the game he was so entranced with. The following night I went in to the room and asked him what he was doing, stupid question I know. He said he was getting ready to go and smoke, did I want to join him. I told him no I wanted to have sex before he had to leave for work. He couldn’t turn me down again, could he? What would your response be?

His was “oh I guess we could do that if you really wanted to.” :~O WTF? If I really wanted to? No asshole I didn’t really want to I just asked you that to see what you would say. I mean seriously! WTF! At this point the doubt started to creep in. I had nothing left to say so I just turned and walked back to the living room. He just couldn’t leave it alone though. I think I would have been ok had he not called me back in that clueless manner of his. Returning to the room I repeated his question to me, “what is wrong?! Are you fucking kidding me?” That grabbed his full attention, somehow my response finally deemed me more important then the fucking game he was playing. I think it would have been wiser though, had he not turned back to look at me with his confused facial expression; seeing that expression was the catalyst to my anger. Trying to dispel the frothy bile rising in my throat I explained to him “I have been nearly begging you to have sex with me for almost a week now and you have done nothing but shoot me down. What the hell do you think is wrong? I am sorry but I have to draw the line somewhere and I chose to draw it at begging. If you don’t want to fuck me fine, but I will not beg you for it!” With that I turned around and went back to the living room where I clicked Desperate Housewives back on. As desperately as I tried to avoid it, the dam broke and my tears spewed forth.

I did not want him to see me crying so when he finally came out of the room to go smoke and again asked if I wanted to join him I just stared at the television screen shaking my head no. He went out, smoked, came back in and kissed the top of my head, said he’d be back in the morning and left. No apology, explanation, nothing; he just left. There I sat stewing in my anger, pity and doubt until I could not handle it any longer.

Grabbing my cell I clicked out a message to him asking him one simple thing, just tell me what it was that first attracted him to me. I do not know why I needed to know that, I just had to know. After waiting what felt like three hours I succumbed to my doubts as they gnawed away at me like the waves crashing against the shoreline. This time the text I pushed out was full of the doubt I had inside me. I asked him straight out if he had recently met someone else. There I sat and bawled. A dread has taken hold of me and it won’t let go. He called within a minute to try and reassure me there was no one else; he could not just text me when he was working (which by the way he has done numerous times before). I don’t know what else he said because the sobs were racking my body and I could not stand to hear his angry voice any longer so I snapped the cell shut.

I spent the rest of the night drinking, smoking, stewing and crying. Close to when I knew he would be getting home I jumped into bed so I could at least pretend to be asleep when he got home. I wanted to be alone in my misery. This morning however he came home, showered and decided now he was going to make love to me. I could not believe he chose now to try and take me up on my many offers. Now when I was half asleep, had accused him of meeting someone else, was pissed off and hurt; now he chose to try and screw my brains out.

I DO NOT THINK SO!

You see he claimed he did not wake me that first night because I have told him not to before, when I threw it in his face that that had never stopped him in the past he had no response at all. So for him to come home after everything that had already transpired and try to wake me up for some hankie-panky just made me more mad especially since he could not find it in himself to wake me the other morning. I shoved his hands off my body and told him I was pissed at him, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. I should have known better. He calmly got out of bed, turned on his laptop and proceeded to play his stupid game.

It is now twelve hours later and we still have not talked about anything. At this point I don’t know what good talking would do. The doubt has me in its grip and won’t let go. I feel like I am waiting for the shoe to drop. It is making me angrier with him and myself. I do not want to stick around and wait to have him shatter my heart to bits, but I cannot just walk away. We have too much invested to just leave.

I want to curl up in a ball on my bed for the rest of my life.

I think the depression might be coming back.

Frustrated

Here it is, another attempt to try and write down my thoughts so I can drift off to sleep: I do not understand why sleeping is such an ordeal for me. The doctor was wondering if maybe it was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PT SD) or clinical depression that's been causing my insomnia; it's pretty sad when I was hoping it could be that simple. After being up well over 36 hrs I want nothing more than to lay upon my cozy bed and tumble into whatever dreams await me, I even tried just this - gave up on it after laying there for over an hour. She gave me a new script but I can't use them for a few more days. This is just agonizing wanting something so simple and not being able to obtain it. And believe me, it isn't a lack of tiredness. I am tired beyond belief I just can't fall asleep.


Ha ha I am so tired nothing is coming to mind; I would really like to write I just can't think of anything else to say! How pathetic. Thoughts are buzzing around my mind endlessly and yet I can't focus my energy on one specific idea. Hmmm. . .

You know there used to be a time when I would wonder if there really was such a thing as a perfect kiss? I'd kissed plenty of times in my life, and yet I wondered - could there be just one perfect kiss? I'm not meaning in the sense that every other kiss "sucks". No I'm talking about that one kiss burnt forever in your memory; the one that grabs you from the bottom of your toes, wraps around your belly and clings to your heart kind of kiss.

Ha now my thoughts are teeming with random memories of the kisses I've shared. Ohhh here's a very special memory: My first perfect kiss. I probably shouldn't be thinking about this and him. . . Yet I know I'll never erase the memory of that one kiss. What the hell imma succumb to it, for some reason I am supposed to dwell on it. But before I get there let me give you a bit of history.

I was a big flirt back then - way back in the day - not a slut, but I'd definitely done some kissing. Heh first there was the boy with no clue of the fact that he should swallow all the spit in his mouth prior to attempting a kiss (especially when both parties wear braces). God bless his soul, his kiss was sweet and perfect for a "first kiss" - 'specially since we didn't get our braces stuck together. :-P The only problem, I was wiping his spit off my forehead practically. I guess it was nerves as it was the first kiss either of us had shared.

Oh and there was the guy (almost old enough to be my dad) who was eager to kiss the last girl in the family - trust me had I known then that he'd already kissed my (at the time, single) mom and my older sis then the kiss never would have happened. But I was excited to noticed the desire my 13 year old self had created in him (again something I would not have allowed had I known then what I know now) and he was supposedly "all grown and experienced", wanting to show me what I should be "looking for in a kiss". Yes, this man in his early 30's actually told me he'd teach me how the boys should be kissing me since they were just boys and he was a man with plenty of experience under his belt. HA HA (What I never told him: his was the WORST kiss ever!!) His idea of the perfect kiss was compatible with a lizard he he he. His lizard like tongue darted in and out of my mouth, he was stiff lipped and had robotic motions. I don't know why or how but he firmly believed this was perfect kissing. Ick!

Anyway I've digressed, the various boys and kisses lol. They were all fun and enjoyable. However it wasn't until the end of my freshman year that I found my first perfect kiss. For this I need to divulge a bit more info:

So. There was this boy, oh boy was he there. I'd never met someone like him before. He cared about me, wanted to be a part of my life - we'd sit on the phone for hours almost every night just talking about anything and everything. He was cocky and sincere at the same time. Oh and how he could dance. His voice was like butter melting on a warm biscuit, smooth and rich. He held my heart in the palm of his hand; I only wish I would have known then how calloused his hand really was. Foolishly, I "fell in love" with this boy. This was my second big crush (can't forget Mr. Jared in sixth grade lol) but yea, I swore I was in love with this boy before my freshman year even started. And of course we kissed a lot! Kissing him was my favorite pastime back then. Until, that is, the school year came to an end. He was going off to his fathers and didn't want a long distance thing because then he wouldn't have been able to "fully enjoy" himself (wake up 14 yr old me, he just told you his intentions . . . grrrr) obviously I was devastated, heartbroken, and simply put, crushed. Boy was he good; he set it all up too. We had been in the little courtyard by the AFJrROTC classroom talking about his desire to make a clean break until he had returned for the start of the new school year. I don't know if he truly intended to steal my heart forever or if he was simply trying to help ease me out of my misery, but as the tears began to pool in my eyes he walked us to the back of the ROTC room where we were alone. I was struggling hard not to cry and show him how badly he'd just ripped my heart to pieces - even then I was a proud girl and didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how deeply he hurt me. Ah but then, that one lonely tear escaped. . . .

This is the moment; hold your breath - it's gonna get quite detailed. . .

He slid his right arm around my waist and gently pulled me up against him, the warm breeze acted like a blanket - wrapping me in his embrace, trying to keep us secret from the world. His left hand went to my cheek where he wiped my tear away on his thumb; then he tangled his fingers lightly in my hair and ever so slightly pulled my head back. Slowly he bent his face to mine and whispered against my temple that "everything will be perfect once I get back to you." And then it happened. Staring me in the eyes he twisted his head down to meet my parted lips. First he dusted each of my lips with a few feathery kisses, then he firmly pressed his thick lips to mine. (breathe) Smoothly his tongue slid through my lips, softly passed along the ridge of my teeth, slipped in a bit further to lightly caress the roof of my mouth then eased it out to tickled the inside of my lips. All the while my hands lay splayed over his chest, and my hips involuntarily pressed closer to his. As he explored my mouth I massaged his tongue with mine. Occasionally he would suck on my lower lip, teasingly nipping at my lip with his teeth. I could feel him stiffen with the same desire that coursed through my own body, from the bottom of my toes to my tingling scalp. The desire wriggled in my belly, clung to my heart and shot through my hardened nipples.

I am telling you, this was a perfect kiss. There was no extra spit, no lizard tongue darting in and out, no abrasive movements. . . No it was a perfect, weak-kneed, heart thudding in your throat, toe curling kind of kiss. His tongue was soft and explorative; he let me reciprocate the favor. It was a kiss full of unbridled passion!

Damn 16 years later and I can still recall it like it was yesterday. . . So my point in the matter was as I first contemplated the concept of a once in a lifetime perfect kiss I began to get worried - 'specially as that was our last kiss ever. I couldn't live thinking I'd never be kissed in an orgasmic way again. No WAY! So I set out on a mission to find another perfect kiss, I kissed many others and I couldn't find it anywhere. Damn it, I knew what I liked and how I liked it done so why couldn't I find someone else that could kiss me like he did. That thought made me try to explain how I wanted to be kissed. True enough it took some time for me to explain and demonstrate my needs, but yay I finally found a kisser that worked for me. I mean it wasn't "perfect" like his kiss had been but they were pleasureful. Sorry, I know this all sounds snooty when in fact it's quite different.

Hmm ok let me try another way - I know how I want/love to be kissed. I want it to be passion filled, supple lips brushing against each other, tongues tasting and experimenting in each others warm mouths; mix in a quick suck/nibble on a lip here or there and it's perfect. I'd finally reserved myself that it just wasn't meant to happen. Until a few yrs ago, when it happened for the second time.

Really soon after one of the worst tragedies I've known, I began to feel lost. I felt disconnected, alone and like I was swirling out of control. I needed physical contact to bring me back. So I sought out the contact I needed and found it. He wrapped me in his arms and let me crumble to pieces. Then began trying to put me back together again. He gave me the contact I needed, and when I started crying again he did it. (This is how I came to the realization that the perfect kiss does repeat itself regardless of the kisser.) That night I experienced my second perfect, grab me from the bottom of my toes, wrap around my belly, cling to my heart kind of kiss. And now for the secret anatomy of the perfect kiss.

The kiss has to be given completely, from the heart and soul - to the heart and soul. Not only that, it has to happen under some form of duress. And it should be done between lovers. If you've made it this far, wow - you're either a real perv, liking to read about a poor broken-hearted teen, or you really care about me and what I have to say. Lol.

So here it is!

I urge you all to be on the look out as this perfect kiss is elusive. Watch for the signs and signals. Then Carpe Diem!! If you do know what I'm talking about feel free to comment so I don't feel like such a dork. ;~)

Well the random thoughts are becoming harder to come by so I'm hoping that means my mind is shutting off. Time to hopefully sleep. Enjoy your night!

Just a little scene

I actually wrote this longhand last night, by the light of my flickering television with my trusty pen in my little red plaid journal that I keep at my bedside for just this reason. It was after 4 in the morning, the sky was beginning to lighten and sleep still wasn't coming to me. So I decided to write out my thoughts. I am not a professional writer, yet, however occasionally an idea for a short story or plot, anything really, will come to me and I like to capture it on paper should I ever have a use for it later on - just as I love to capture moments in time on film to adorn my walls. Not many have read what I create; I guess that's a fear on my behalf that I'm not good enough, so please be patient and feel free to offer anything you might have on my creative writings. I will signify what's creative and what is factual - but don't let that stop you, comment away. :~) Happy readings, I hope you never experience the misery of insomnia - however if you do you're always welcome here; sweet dreams! Oh and everything in my blog is mine - you may not reprint or copy it with out my permission. Thanks!




Quietly; in the deepest, darkest corner of the seedy establishment, they sat intently studying their hands. So high were the stakes - a pinch of ego, dash of pride, heaping of pleasure and a leap of faith - that she was blissfully ignorant to the comings and goings around them as the minutes slid past. The ever mounting tension was almost palpable.

Her heart was beating so hard it had fallen in time with the sultry music. Both pulsing to the same rhythm, she was no longer certain if it was the music or her heartbeat she felt pounding against her chest. Weak with anticipation, she sheepishly raised her eyes and peeked at him sitting so statuesque, from under her bangs and once again wondered if this was a dream. He sensed her gaze upon him and knew it was time to end their misery. The corner of his mouth twitched up ever so slightly, she was unsure whether she’d actually seen him smirk or if it was the poor lighting and thick smoke trying to trick her until she noticed his hand lowering to the stained, felt covered tabletop. He knew he had her full cooperation as he watched her dark eyes following the descent of his hand, where he gingerly laid his cards on the grimy table. Wanting to claim his prize and knowing how deeply she ached for him to do just that, he waited for her glazed eyes to once again return to his face.

Desire coursed through her body. It started in her thighs and began to rise, penetrating deep within until she felt a hot-white metallic sensation in the very core of her being. The sensation was so overpowering that she was positive it was a conduit linking her desire to his passion. Her stomach knotted itself high in her throat; her entire body felt like it had been turned to liquid from the fervor that took hold of her. Cautiously she raised her eyes from his sturdy hand, where she paused a brief moment at the sight of his solid chest and wondered how his heartbeat would feel pressed against her own. Continuing to raise her eyes she noticed the hollowed spot where his neck merged with his chest and considered how his taut skin would taste on her tongue. Reverently she pulled her eyes away from his throat where they came to rest on his full lips, desire shot through her causing the conduit to spark deep within her body; she desperately wanted to have his lips covering her own – his tongue claiming her hot mouth, caressing her own tongue. He barely noticed her ragged gasp and struggled with himself not to chuckle for he knew this was a big step she was taking and did not want to cause her any reason to shy away from him. Ever so slowly her gaze came to rest on his, she saw the slight flicker of passion dance in the depths of his eyes and knew she would finish this to the end or die from the desire raking through her body. Lazily, he smiled at her, raised his eyebrow and muttered “I believe it’s time you assume the position” as he pushed his chair back from the table.

For the first time all night she nervously became aware of their surroundings. She looked around and was relieved to discover they were secluded in their corner, shrouded by the smoky atmosphere and cloaked with the diffused lighting that she could barely make out any other occupants. Shaking ever so slightly she stood and smoothed her skirt, walked over to his side of the table and leaned against the table as though this was the most common thing to do in her life. Her bare leg brushed his warm thigh and he gingerly opened his fist so the backs of his fingers grazed her smooth skin, causing another spark deep within her. Trying to hide her uncertainty she asked “and how should we do this?” The desire that had been building in her seemed to take control of her as she found herself moving in front of his relaxed body. Smirking at him she turned to face the table, braced her hands on the edge of the tabletop and looked over her shoulder to suggest “we could do it like this, and no one would ever be the wiser or. . .” She turned back to him, the desire burned brightly in her eyes and stole his breath – he had no idea she’d take control so smoothly and found himself wondering if this really was a first for her. As she stepped closer to him, he found his body wound tightly with anticipation, and closer still she came.

For the first time all night he was blissfully ignorant of their surroundings as she came to a stop, straddling his lap; her hair falling freely to frame her face she brought her face a mere inch from his own. He could feel her hot breath against his skin as she softly said “we could do it like this.” As she lowered her body to his he was keenly aware of the moist heat emanating from her. He raised a single eyebrow and questioned “are you sure? This may be more than you bargained for.” Pleasantly surprised he heard her moaned compliance as she shuddered in expectancy and placed his hands on her waist. Her smile reached her eyes and the excitement sparkled in them, softly she said “punish me babe.” This time he couldn't suppress his chuckle as his hands slide lower down her backside, he squeezed her ass with his right hand and felt her shudder. His voice thick with desire he grumbled “you asked for it” as his left hand lifted for a moment only to forcefully return as he spanked her.

Involuntarily her hips rocked with the force and she felt his body tighten with the same craving that raked her own body, causing her thighs to dampen. Her heart jumped and her breath caught in her throat as she eagerly awaited the second smack, yet it didn’t appear that he would oblige. Flustered she tilted her head to the side, lowered her eyes to his bottom lip and asked “is that all?” She knew it was then or never, so she mustered her courage and went in for the kill. He sat there in amazement as she experimentally began to kiss him. Her lips felt soft as they gingerly met his own. Desperate to control his hunger for her he squeezed her ass again which was all the encouragement she needed. Her tongue tenderly passed through his and began to explore his mouth, all too pleased with herself as he began to participate. Enthralled with her kiss and ever dampening heat, he caressed her tongue with his own; passing it through her lips and tracing the line of her teeth. Coming to his senses he tried to end the kiss but she was not having it so she sucked his tongue back into her ready mouth and pushed her hips back into his hand. “To hell with it” he thought as he spanked her ass in concession, again causing her hips to rock with the force of his smack. He hesitated a second as he considered if he was being too rough, her eagerness quickly answered his doubt as she pushed back into his hand again, he raised his hand and decided to follow her lead.

The desire consumed her as she sucked his lower lip and felt that third smack, causing her to bite down on his lip. Shocked by the sudden piercing pain, he pulled away from the kiss so she moved to his neck and began exploring his salty skin. She gently nibbled his earlobe and flicked her tongue over the tender spot right behind his earlobe, kissing a trail down the side of his neck to that hollow spot she’d noticed a few minutes earlier. Enthralled with her kisses on his neck he rolled his head back and pulled her waist down closer to him, neither aware of the cessation in her punishment. Her hands fell from the back of the chair to his shoulders, as she was pushed harder down on his lap her fingers found the tiny buttons keeping his chest from her touch. Making quick work of the buttons she began to entwine her fingers in his chest hair, her hips rocking back and forth of their own accord. His left hand lowered down the side of her thigh until he felt her silky skin beneath his touch. Still tasting his neck, her fingers found his hardened nipples. She playfully pinched and pulled at his nipples; wishing she could feel the roughened pad of his thumb caressing her own nipples. As a final show of doubt he hesitantly caressed her thigh, gently raising it higher and wondering if she would stop him. Instead of stopping him she followed suite. Looking him in the eye she raised her hips a bit and dropped her hands to his waistband. This time it was him that gasped. She threw her head back, laughed and nudged his hand higher under her skirt as she rolled her hips closer to his hand and unbuttoned his jeans. He was as taut as a stretched rubber band. The need to feel her consume him shot throughout his body. Lost in the wave of yearning his head snapped up as he realized his fingers were slick with her wetness and the thin layer of cloth that should have been separating him from her was not there. Feeling his fingers at the verge of entering her throbbing body, she locked her eyes on his, grasped his shaft firmly in her delicate hand and lowered her hips, causing him to enter her. He gripped her thighs to contain his excitement; he definitely wanted this to last as long as possible. She, on the other hand, was beyond control – she’d taken that leap of faith and was rolling her hips with fates rhythm. Digging his fingers into the flesh of her thighs he maintained the eye contact he knew she desperately needed to keep her confidence up. Faster and deeper she plunged him into her body, about to burst with the built up frustration and desire. Clinging to his shoulders for support she frantically rocked them to the brink of explosion.

Ooops sorry I removed the last paragraph. I am using it in the follow up post. As it comes along I will post the updates, please be patient.

ETA: This is a creative writing