Hey Jack!

If you read this, please get in contact with me. My motherboard is fried and I wanted to talk to you bout the game...not sure when I'll be back...so call or text when you can please. Thanks sexy one!

By the way, I miss chatting with you. You suck for giving me the cold shoulder lol. Just had to tell you that. But seriously, call me sometime. I gotta talk to you bout the game.

Tempting

The only way to get rid of temptation is to give in to it... if the chance ever arises...would you...come on over, so we can get rid of this temptaion...?!

Lover, lover by Jerrod Niemann

"'...gonna give it up and quit, ain't never comin back...but before I get to going, I gotta say, I know you used to love me but that was yesterday... and the truth, I won't fight it...oh lover, lover, lover you don't treat me no good no more... there was a time... when you used to shake it for me but now all you do is treat me cold, ain't gonna take it no more... gonna walk out the door... well I'd wait up for you almost every night and I'm hurtin so bad cuz you don't treat me right..."

It just suits my mood. I've given it up for good, the obsession that is. It's gone, in fact - he rarely crosses my mind anymore. And I find it good to be back in control of my thoughts once again. =D

I guess realizing it was more the fantasy that had me obsessing then it was him, helped me break away... I'm not really sure. All I know is I can breathe again without feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate. His silence doesn't hurt anymore. He's not in my every waking thought. The urgency to be with him is gone... Ha, he helped me quit cold turkey so I s'pose I should be happy for all of his avoidance. ;)

desire

I'm going insane. The desire is overpowering my mind... All I can picture is Jack at my door, me pulling him in by his shirt, backing him into the corner - pressing up against his body as I kiss the breath from him. I imagine his hand gliding up my side to my breast while his other hand tangles in my hair, pulling me closer to him...

Is it wrong to want the here and now? Is it really that unforgivable to give in to reckless abandon? I've been consumed by the wanton desire, all I ask is instant gratification...

Frustration

closing my eyes, too proud to cry... desperate to know why, afraid to hear the lie... this pain is mine to hide; laughter and a smile are my guise...

Fantasy...

Stood up, for the second time, with any means of contact cut off - I've had too much time to think about things.

First, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I hear that's the first step to "recovery"; I'm ok with being the "side-dish". I know I deserve more, and I will be more when I'm ready for it. For now though, I am content with the way things were, I can't say "are" because this no contact thing is killing me. With that being said...

I know there is a prior attachment, I hate to be that "other one"... There's nothing to say that will justify or make it right. I know it's wrong. I'll have to answer to someone, hell maybe even everyone, at some point; I'm ok with it. Why, you might be asking. Why or how could I be ok with it...

Simply put, I'm in love.

Haha ok nothing is ever black and white - even you should know that! How do I explain? . . .

I'm in love with the fantasy. I still believe in happily-ever after, in that perfect someone for everyone. Do I think Jack fits that bill? I don't know. But...after much contemplation...

Jack and I were friends, close friends (at least as far as I am concerned). I trusted in his friendship/companionship. I got to know the sort of person he is - the way he provides, cares for, loves... Jack's the sort of person I'd always envisioned for me. He is the kind of man I thought he was. Granted we all have our faults and I'm certain Jack has his, in fact I know of a few. But if we were perfect we'd be saints. Lord knows I'm far from perfect...

Where was I? Ah, yea... I realized he's the sort of man I hope to find someday. And, as far as I'm concerned, there is an abundance of chemistry between us. Honest to God, that man can look at me and I feel it in places I shouldn't feel anything from an attached man! His touch sets me on fire in a way I thought only existed in romance novels. It's been five months since I've last seen him and his touch is still the first and last thing I think about everyday. But it's not just the lust or a lack of sexual activities either; there has been some activity but I still keep going back to five months ago.

So, why am I content with being the side-dish? My marriage was passionless. He was far from the kind of man I wanted as a partner. After 17 years, I'm in no rush to "settle (back) down". Does it mean I'll always feel this way? No. I know I need to stay away from Jack. I could easily fall in love with him, way to easily. But I'm a moth and he's the flame....

I guess I take safety in the fact that I am a bit jaded too. Like I said, I know no one is perfect. I don't want to feel the pain of disappointment any time soon. I felt that pain all too often in my marriage. And I know Jack's not willing or even wanting to walk away from his current situation. Just as I know it's unreasonable to expect that of him. Plus, I don't want to be the gullible girl from all the stories... you know the one, she falls in love with the guy that promises her the moon and to eventually walk away from his current relationship to be in her arms forever after. Yea, no! I'm not that naive...

But, I can't deny how happy Jack makes me feel (nor how much his silence gnaws at me). And it's been way too long since I've felt this happy. I quit believing in the fantasy long ago; gave up on thinking I'd ever find the sort of passion Jack ignites in me. And now that I've found it, found the sort of man I've always wanted, all tied up with the friendship bow... I want to enjoy it a while.

I'll admit it, I am a selfish person! I want the fantasy, even if it's just for a little while.

I guess that's why his silence hurts so much... I know he won't leave his current situation. I accept it. I know I'm playing with fire - I get that my heart is on the line, along with so much more. I can't help it though, I still want the fantasy. That's why I'm so willing to be the "side-dish".

Yea, it'd be great to be the one and only - again no one's perfect. I don't want perfection anyway. I just want the fantasy for however long it lasts. I'm even willing to pay the price; hell it wouldn't be the first time my heart's been broken...

Contagious

Contagious
Saving Abel

You're contagious
get under my skin
tattoo my heart black again

Contagious
virus in my vein
give me something to kill the pain

There never was a cure for this
try to stand and swallow pills
something to numb the brain
something to kill the pain

This drug is causing me
such a beautiful misery

You're contagious
get under my skin
tattoo my heart black again

Contagious
virus in my vein
give me something to kill the pain

So gracious with the disease you gave
tie me up and bite your slave
Venom burning love and lust
You're contagious

First you bite, then I bleed
when you sink your teeth in me
feed from me when you're hungry
feed from me

I'm surrendering

This drug is causing me
causing me
such a beautiful misery

You're contagious
get under my skin
tattoo my heart black again

contagious
virus in my vein
give me something to kill the pain

so gracious
with the disease you gave
tie me up and bite your slave
venom burning love and lust

oh you're contagious
the crave, the bite, the sting
the crave, the bite, the sting

you bite and I bleed

you're contagious
get under my skin
tattoo my heart black again

contagious
virus in my vein
give me something to kill the pain

so gracious
with the disease you gave
tie me up and bite your slave
venom burning love and lust

oh you're contagious

the crave, the bite, the sting
you're contagious
the crave, the bite, the sting
ohhh yea
you're contagious

Puppeteer

I may be a bachelorette,

but I don't wanna be your marionette!

The pleasure you send flowing down my stings

makes me tremble for release, until I scream...

that's when you leave me in a heap.

When will it be my turn?

To be your puppeteer is what I yearn...