2/19/10
Doodle time
Just some doodling I was doing while at the older boy's appointment. It started out with the foot (the boy thought it was a seagull so he drew on the big toe to make a beak grr) then I just added stuff. I was bored. This kinda stuff happens when I'm bored. =) 
2/15/10
Random quote
Hmm a random quote I came across - it seems to fit my mood:
"How long can we keep holding on to something that's already gone? Life's to short to love like this, to tired to try, to scared to quit"
I'm certain I patched things up with Clark. If not, he's at least willing to forget that it happened. He told me most of what I said. Mmm yea, I crossed a line - a big line.... We'll just leave it at that.
I need to follow boss lady's advice; I need to learn to be alone again. =(
"How long can we keep holding on to something that's already gone? Life's to short to love like this, to tired to try, to scared to quit"
I'm certain I patched things up with Clark. If not, he's at least willing to forget that it happened. He told me most of what I said. Mmm yea, I crossed a line - a big line.... We'll just leave it at that.
I need to follow boss lady's advice; I need to learn to be alone again. =(
2/14/10
Uncontrollable
I really need to watch the alcohol and medication intake. Apparently I got a little inebriated the other night and let my emotions take the drivers seat. I'm so mad at myself for letting that happen. I think I scared Clark away =( Not to mention I made another buddy think very naughty things about me. (Ok so I don't mind him thinking naughty things about me, but I showed him a side of me he probably doesn't approve of and that irks me)
It was pretty bad though. I don't even remember most of what I said; gah I wish I could remember it all. Frickin hallucinatory! That's what I should have done! I should have blamed it on the meds!!! Cept, I am certain Clark knows me better than that by now.
This sucks! I try so hard not to be clingy, not to be the emotionally/weepy/needy kind of gal. I know I can do ALMOST everything on my own and I do it. I only ask for help when I really need it. But the other night.... I was everything I don't want to be simply because the beer and meds screwed up my frame of mind. I said things better left unsaid. I crossed a line I should never have come close to.
Now I'm afraid Clark is going to space himself from me. =( I don't want that to happen. It's insane but I've come to depend on his friendship. This waiting to hear from him makes me so crazy I am actually crying... for the second time in a matter of days....omfg!!!! I need to be slapped plz.
Someone slap some sense into me!
Drive me to distraction!!!! Jack? Willy??? Anyone, distract me plz! I need to get out of this funk.
It was pretty bad though. I don't even remember most of what I said; gah I wish I could remember it all. Frickin hallucinatory! That's what I should have done! I should have blamed it on the meds!!! Cept, I am certain Clark knows me better than that by now.
This sucks! I try so hard not to be clingy, not to be the emotionally/weepy/needy kind of gal. I know I can do ALMOST everything on my own and I do it. I only ask for help when I really need it. But the other night.... I was everything I don't want to be simply because the beer and meds screwed up my frame of mind. I said things better left unsaid. I crossed a line I should never have come close to.
Now I'm afraid Clark is going to space himself from me. =( I don't want that to happen. It's insane but I've come to depend on his friendship. This waiting to hear from him makes me so crazy I am actually crying... for the second time in a matter of days....omfg!!!! I need to be slapped plz.
Someone slap some sense into me!
Drive me to distraction!!!! Jack? Willy??? Anyone, distract me plz! I need to get out of this funk.
2/12/10
Grrrr
So I'm s'posed to be writing another installment to that short story - and I have most of it in my mind....I'm preoccupied. I'm worried about Clark. He was a little odd last night and I'm worried about him.
To be honest my mind is scattered, more then usual right now. I'm thinking about him and I; Clark; my job; my future; what I want in life.... Like I said, I'm preoccupied at the moment.
I found out my company is starting the hiring process!!! This means I won't be a temp anymore, I'll get benefits and some security. I'm so happy!!
I asked him if he'd rather 24 hrs with someone he loved passionately or a lifetime with someone he cared about - his answer floored me.
What about you? What would you rather? 24 hrs with the one you love passionately or a lifetime with someone you care about?
To be honest my mind is scattered, more then usual right now. I'm thinking about him and I; Clark; my job; my future; what I want in life.... Like I said, I'm preoccupied at the moment.
I found out my company is starting the hiring process!!! This means I won't be a temp anymore, I'll get benefits and some security. I'm so happy!!
I asked him if he'd rather 24 hrs with someone he loved passionately or a lifetime with someone he cared about - his answer floored me.
What about you? What would you rather? 24 hrs with the one you love passionately or a lifetime with someone you care about?
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