The first song was "So Help Me Girl". It's an older song but the lyrics really struck me. I still haven't been able to get Jack out of my mind, despite me frequent attempts, and the song made our last encounter pop into my mind along with the night he was supposed to have come over but never showed up. Singing along to the song, trying to block the images from my mind, the thought occurred to me:
You just had to hold me like nobody else,
the way it felt each time we'd touch...
You should've kissed me like this wasn't gonna last,
held me like there was no chance,
it would've kept me from thinking things I can't take back...
And of course, on the heels of that one, the song "From A Table Away" came on. Gah it doesn't matter what I'm doing or how occupied I am, anytime I hear that song my mind goes to him. It's just pointless to even try blocking him from my thoughts... The lines that really provoke me:
...I knew who she was by the ring still on her hand
sure looked like you still wanted to be her man...
...I thought it looked like you were leavin' but it don't...
...so I guess that means that things are better
must not be so bad at home...
...it doesn't matter what you say...
I don't understand this hold he seems to have on me. It's quite frustrating though... I mean, I know it's not love, lust for sure ;) but there's more to it than just that, it's just not "love". He and I would chat and over time I started thinking of him as a friend. We confided in each other some of the problems in our relationships, our frustrations with our partners etc. I got glimpses into the kind of man he is and I liked what I saw. I've always liked it. I'm not going to deny I began feeling an attraction toward him. That's definitely played a part in this hold he seems to have on me. I don't know how else to explain it, but whatever it is I want it over! I mean I love being with him and our friendship - I just hate obsessing. And he's sure not "available" which only complicates things more. That probably sounds really bad... I feel if I were to "ride this out" then I could get him out of my system faster. However his unavailability is the only thing that's kept me from "riding this out," or rather acting on my impulsive thoughts, whenever we're together. ;) Although I most definitely wanna see how far we could take this attraction.... I guess I should just accept defeat, wallow in my frustrations and be thankful he hasn't come over because, as much as I want to see him, I have to admit I'm not as strong-willed as I'm gonna need to be should we meet again...
Damn it! He just had to hold me the way he did, as if it mattered... and he had to go and kiss me with the hunger of a hundred starved children.... I feel as if his touch branded my skin... yea, no this just isn't helping any....
