Trust. . .

He claims I am overbearing and yell at him too much. I barely talk to him, at least not about the important stuff.

He claims he's working on his "issues". All I ever see is him playing a game. Hmph I used to love to play that same game. Lately I've gotten so sick of him only ever playing it that I am loosing interest in it.

He swears he loves us and wants to remain in the mix. His actions tell me otherwise. . .

Is it really too much to ask that I come first? That our children and I are the first things he thinks about when he gets up and the last thing he thinks about before he goes to sleep. Is it really that unreasonable to expect him to stop and think "Hmm playing this game while she's at work and not getting the house cleaned up, not interacting with the munchkin - that's a bad thing."

Am I really that overbearing and furious? I mean I know I am pissed off. I'm pissed off a lot lately. And yea, I know that makes for bad mojo, bad harmony and all that other stuff. But isn't it time I get the respect I deserve? If I don't stand up for my beliefs who will?

Should I really just lay down and let the marriage take it's own course? That's not me. That's not the kind of person I am.

I should go see a shrink. *Sigh* Too often I know I need to have the control. I know that's not how a marriage is supposed to work. But for over 10 years we did the dual control, equal shares blah blah blah. Look where that got us. He's lied to me I don't even know how many times. (Mostly about stupid little things but still. . . he's lied too many times, I don't know if I can believe a word that comes out of his mouth now.) He clearly doesn't trust me - and not in a "she is gonna cheat on me" kind of way. No this is a "I don't know how she's going to react so I'm not going to tell her." or "I don't know how to explain this and she's gonna want out of the relationship so I will lie to her"

Oh my God, that's it. He doesn't trust me! And . . . maybe I am the reason why. Maybe I am too overbearing for him? Mom told me once "God help the man that ever tries to take charge in your life, I think you'll kill the s.o.b." Did I cause this? I mean I know he's a grown man and he knows right from wrong blah blah blah. But if he is afraid to talk to me. . . that has to be acknowledged too doesn't it. And I haven't I always been this way? I mean I'm not that mentally/emotionally different from when we met; I don't think. When did this happen???