Uncontrollable

I really need to watch the alcohol and medication intake. Apparently I got a little inebriated the other night and let my emotions take the drivers seat. I'm so mad at myself for letting that happen. I think I scared Clark away =( Not to mention I made another buddy think very naughty things about me. (Ok so I don't mind him thinking naughty things about me, but I showed him a side of me he probably doesn't approve of and that irks me)

It was pretty bad though. I don't even remember most of what I said; gah I wish I could remember it all. Frickin hallucinatory! That's what I should have done! I should have blamed it on the meds!!! Cept, I am certain Clark knows me better than that by now.

This sucks! I try so hard not to be clingy, not to be the emotionally/weepy/needy kind of gal. I know I can do ALMOST everything on my own and I do it. I only ask for help when I really need it. But the other night.... I was everything I don't want to be simply because the beer and meds screwed up my frame of mind. I said things better left unsaid. I crossed a line I should never have come close to.

Now I'm afraid Clark is going to space himself from me. =( I don't want that to happen. It's insane but I've come to depend on his friendship. This waiting to hear from him makes me so crazy I am actually crying... for the second time in a matter of days....omfg!!!! I need to be slapped plz.

Someone slap some sense into me!

Drive me to distraction!!!! Jack? Willy??? Anyone, distract me plz! I need to get out of this funk.