Wow so I ran into a few people from my past - people I'd lost touch with decades ago. It's always fun meeting up with people from my past. And tonight was no exception, it was very fun. Hmm almost too fun.
There's this guy, yea I need to name him I just can't think of one at the moment so I'll tell my story and name him later. Ok there's this guy I knew as an adolescent into my teenage years. We saw each other a few times while I was an adolescent, I remember he sort of annoyed me at the time. (He had a crush on a neighbor and I was bored with the "crush" thing.) We didn't interact much then. At some time my family moved to a neighboring city and I didn't see the boy again for a while, in fact I believe I forgot about him.
Well a few years later I was hanging with my older sis at her friends place. I'm not sure why I was there to begin with as she didn't really want me there. Plus it was my 13th birthday, I'm not sure why I wasn't home with my family. I can only assume the rents were at work? Anyway, that boy from my earlier years was there too only he wasn't really a "boy" anymore, at least not in my eyes. I soon discovered it was also his bday also. I no longer recall how or why it came about but he and I took off for a walk; he was really soft spoken, fun yet serious - he stole a corner of my heart right then I think. When we got back to the party my sis was as mad as a Hatter. She wanted to take me home right away. That guy stopped her though. He insisted it was a party for me too since we shared a bday and made her let me stay for cake. I can remember him taking his time before he got to the cake part of the party. Then he had me sit on his lap and blow the candles out with him. Not long after I was taken home. Later that night, thinking about our talk, I cried for him and the situation he was in. I cried because I didn't think we'd get to be "friends" and just because I was the kind of girl that cried over things.
What can I say, I was 13 and that night soon faded from the forefront of my mind. Every birthday I've had since then I've thought of him when I'd blow out candles.
A few years later he found my sister while he was home on leave from the military. She brought him by the house and somehow he and I had snuck off to talk like we had at that party. I clearly recall talking with him in my room. However I don't really remember what we talked about. What I do remember was how hard I was wishing he would reach over, cup my cheek and kiss me. Butterflies swirled in my tummy, my heart raced and it took everything I had to concentrate yet I still couldn't think about anything else for too long. I really wanted him to kiss me. My older brother ensured that never happened. The guy shipped back out the next day and I never heard from him again - until tonight.
I was fishing around on the internet and saw a page with his name and birthday on it. I wasn't sure on the last name but the picture, first name and bday all matched. Curious, I sent him an email and asked if it was him by any chance. Lo and behold - it was the one and only!
We started talking after that and to be honest, at first all I remembered about him was sitting in his lap to blow out the candles on his cake. He'd mentioned we'd taken a walk and the memories came trickling in. I remembered he was so soft spoken, kind, sad and yet fun. Later he brought up the night in my room, he claimed he had wanted to kiss me damn those interruptions! And then I finally pieced it together that he was the annoying boy my sis promised would be my boyfriend if I just wouldn't tell on her. Wow!
Now my mind is muddled with all these memories, wishes; I'm wondering what could have been, might have happened. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and know without him I never would've had them so I'm not wishing we'd never gotten together - I'm just curious. What other cards were in my deck? Did I fold too soon or should I have kept on betting? And I wonder about him. How much has he changed? How'd he ever sort out those issues from long ago? Or has he.... Was he really interested or is he just saying that now? Will I ever get the chance to have that kiss I so desperately wanted??? Life can be too cruel sometimes!
My Ambien is making it harder and harder for me to organize my thoughts into something coherent. So I shall sign off for now. I hope you all have a great night, sweet dreams when you get there!
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