hehe that was so fun.....dang I can't believe it's been over 36 hrs since I slept last, I'm so exhausted...
(These are my thoughts from this morning when I felt I was finally ready to sleep. I figured it'd be interesting to write down what happens in my head when I lay down. Granted these thoughts can be situational but the chaos is typical. Ok back to my thought process -)
i guess i should try to sleep....ugh working out isn't going to ....darn it why didn't i take my pill, i really should remember....oh we were talking about age difference that night, that's when he took my h....i wish my memories weren't so .....why can't i remember why i ended up on top of him, i wonder if i was tick....wait he never answered my question, grrrr....ok stop! breathe in...
(The breath slowly comes in as I fill my lungs steadily. I listen to my breathing and try to focus just on that.)
in.....out....in....out....in....ou....gosh his snoring is getting so loud....i wonder if he snores, i should ask him, although he's probably going to get sick of my questions real soon. who wouldn't get tired of ....clark hasn't gotten tired of my questions yet. i wonder how he's doing. i haven't heard from him in a while. hopefully i'll get to talk to him wednesday - i think that's he's next day off....oh miles is off weds too, i wonder what his days off are like, i probably won't hear from him much while he's off....ugh stop! breathe, just breathe.
in....out...in....out....in....ou....i wonder if miles is asleep yet? i should ask him about his insomnia. not that it matters. no what matters is you're not breathing (sigh).
in....out....in....out....in....out...i...i should have just kissed him! i should have. so what if (insert brother's name here) had come in and seen - i don't think he would have told. he was such an ass that night too, coming in every 30 fricken seconds. gosh i should call him and yell at him again for doing that hehe. stop obsessing, just breathe!
in....out....in....out....in....ou....i wonder if i'll have a lot of work today. i hope so, otherwise i'll pass out. yea right, like you're passing out now (sigh)...in....out.....in....ou...i liked sitting in his arms didn't i? i did. it felt safe. although i was so wound up wanting him to kiss me. dang it he should have kissed me!....this year is gonna take forever to pass by. i just want it to be december already....
(I started to doze off a little bit here and woke up again, not sure how long I was dozing for)
hmmm what should i wear? haha he's not going to be happy i'm gonna go meet up with him. oh well, i've known him longer. besides if he was so unhap....he has had chances to fix things....(sigh) i want a divorce, i'm sure i do. i just don't want to put the kids through that. and what if he does wanna fix things? no, you've given him ample time to do what needs being done. you've even tried to do it yourself. how long are you going to stay unhappy? when do you get to be happy? but a marriage is supposed to be forever....forever....anyway....i bet clark doesn't have sleeping problems, lucky....(sigh)....where should we meet? i should probably bring (insert bff's name here) with me haha. just her being there will make me behave. oh but what if he has his buddies over? i don't know any of them. hmm
(I began imagining what it'd be like to go meet up with Miles again this Dec. At some point I finally fell asleep.)
No comments:
Post a Comment