Hmm

I saw this today and it just; it fits:

"You should have had the courage to tell me the truth and face the consequences than lie to me and make me doubt you forever."

He never learned that lesson. He wonders why I still doubt him, how can I not doubt him? There has been too many lies, lies on top of lies. lies about not lying to me again. I don't know if I'll ever stop doubting everything he says. Lord knows I've tried to believe in him. But at what point will the lies stop? And really, the lies are so lame. Why lie to me about playing a video game?

*sigh* oh well enough about that. I got some really good news the other day, wanted to post about it then but I was kinda holding out until I could chat with a couple people about it first. And I was able to talk to everyone about it except one person. He's just not available at the moment so I'll have to tell him next time I talk to him, hope it's soon as I miss him.

Anyway, I heard back from the Dr.'s office and they scheduled me for the surgery I've been needing for some time now. They were trying to get authorization from the insurance company but the company wouldn't approve/deny without a surgery date. The Dr. only comes to town once a month as he works out of a bigger city so I had the option to have the surgery either this Friday or next month. Of course I said this month! Insurance still has the option to deny the surgery but I'm really hoping since they had the Dr. schedule the surgery that that means they will approve it. I am assuming I have until Thursday night before I know for certain if I'm getting it or not. Well I'll be getting the surgery regardless, it's just a matter of whether or not I have to appeal the decision and when I get it done.

I've been wanting this surgery for over 13 yrs now and it's really exciting that I'm so close. But now I'm starting to become a little scared. What if the end results aren't what I'm expecting? What if I end up looking mangled? (Yes I know that's a selfish and vain fear but seriously... Fine I'll spill the beans. I'm trying to get a breast reduction. Before anyone starts claiming that's not needed or anything like that, consider for a moment that I've been in physical pain for 20 yrs now; I get migraines from the pain that will last up to 4 days, totally debilitating me; really they're a curse not a blessing so please don't go there.) I'm told I'll loose nipple sensation - doesn't seem like a big loss in light of the fact that I'll be without all the pain, migraines and such, I'll have an easier time getting clothes that fit me properly etc. But to be quite honest, my nipples are a very sensual spot for me and I'm not looking forward to loosing sensation. Blah I wish I could have my cake and eat it too so to speak.